A rough couple of months
Hi again COAs, I’m returning again to this wonderful message board to process the last couple of months a little, and continue to share my story in the hope it helps others experiencing similar. Christmas, my trigger every, single, year, without fail, and this one’s been tougher than any I can remember.
Dad is in a bad way, recently released from hospital from a 20 day stay in hospital due to infection and vascular issues, he’s a frail 70 year old, skeleton of his former self, who looks about 90 years old, it’s rough, and devastating to see, absolutely sad and frustrating when it all could of been avoided. His alcoholism is finally catching up with him physically and medically.
Dad’s illness (alcoholism) has taken so much from me , and the family, and continues to do so daily. The narcissistic emotional abuse of my childhood 30 odd years ago, the constant lies, disappointment, feelings of failure, not being good enough to name just a few of the feelings and life experiences which have shaped me as the person I am today. We all know it’s tough and unforgiving on us.
Through therapy, love, support, openness, communication I am coping, I am learning about me and the impact Dads alcoholism has had, and how I want to help others who may be experiencing the same, in some weird twist of fate the damned awful life experiences will have a positive outcome in helping others.
To all who are coming to terms with a parents alcoholism. There’s hope, there is support, there is light, there are bad days, and there are really bad days, but they pass. There are better days, always better days ahead.
Be kind to ourselves and each other, remember it’s not our fault, we can’t cure it, we can’t control it, we can make good choices, we can talk about it, we are worthy, we deserve love and to give love.
Hi, thank you so much for posting and for sharing some of your story.
I am so sorry to hear about how unwell your dad has been over Christmas, it sounds incredibly hard to witness. It sounds really natural to have feelings of anger and sadness through this, do you have spaces or certain activities to let these out and to feel them?
I’m so sorry too for the abuse you experienced from such a young age. It wasn’t your fault. You were good enough, you always have been.
It sounds as though you’ve been working hard on making sure that you receive the support you deserve and I hope you can feel proud of yourself in doing so. It sounds really powerful that you’ve been spending time learning about the impact this has had on you and allowing yourself a voice and space in the hurt.
I think it’s really powerful too, what you’ve shared around hope, support, light and good and bad days. Thank you for this message. You are right, this isn’t your fault, you can’t cure it or control it and I can hear the communication you’re offering yourself and the choices you’re making through that.
Please don’t forget, if you’d ever like to talk things through, that the Nacoa helpline is here for you as well. I truly hope that today comes to you with gentleness and kindness.
Kindest Wishes,
Listener