Alcoholic Dad dead after drinking and driving

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acd

Three months ago, my alcoholic father died in a car accident where he flipped his jeep multiple times and was thrown from the vehicle. Yesterday we got the toxicology report back and he was completely wasted. I don’t know where to go from here, he swore to us that he wasn’t drinking anymore. I tried for so many years to get him to stop drinking to be a better father and a better grandfather and now he’s basically drank himself to death. I have so much anger towards him right now. I don’t know how to grieve my father or how to move on with my life. My husband and kids don’t understand why I’m so upset like I shouldn’t be hurt that he was drunk but I am completely heartbroken that he chose the bottle over his family over and over again.

  • listener

    Hi acd,

    I'm sorry to hear this, firstly I think anyone who receives this news without the involvement of alcohol would be shocked, then when you add in the history of the drink problem alongside it being a factor in his death its always going to make it even harder.

    Feeling angry towards him is understandable, it is unforuntately common for alcoholics to put themselves at risk like this, I'm of course uncertain regarding why he was driving at the time but if it was for a relatively normal reason such as just needing to get somewhere alcoholics often won't pause the drinking and often want to keep being able to drink whilst they go about normal activities despite the risk they put themselves in.

    This link below is a link to a publication called "Coping with the death of a parent (for adults). I hope it might be useful to you navigating through this situation.
    https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Coping-with-the-death-of-a-parent_for-adults.pdf

    Best of luck to you and your family.

    Regards,

    Listener

    • elisastar

      Hi acd, I am so sorry you have recently received this news, I can imagine how difficult this is to process.

      The battle of feeling like alcohol has been put before you and the family is overbearing, but I try to remember that alcoholics are rarely ‘choosing’ the alcohol over family, but are in the depths of alcoholism which is a disease.

      The below might be useful to reflect upon at this difficult time also -
      I didn’t cause it
      I can take care of myself
      I can communicate my feelings
      I can make healthy choices

      I hope you feel heard and supported and please do continue to reach out to NACOA.

      - Elisastar

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