My dad has been an alcoholic for at least 12 years, I think he started drinking more than normal in 2010 (when I was 15) and it gradually got worse. By 2013 (when I was 18) I think is when he fully had a proper dependency on alcohol and over the years it’s gone from bad to worse. He retired in 2021 (when I was 26) and since then, without fail, he has drank every single day. He blames the family, and anytime I raise the issue he uses the excuse that my mum does nothing with him, he has no one to talk to etc, which is hurtful because we do all make an effort with him but he usually refuses our suggestions. I moved out of the house completely in 2023, before that, sometimes I was living there when I was on holiday from uni etc, but since 2023 I’ve been living in my own flat not far from the family home. I go back and visit them often but every time that I do, my dad is drunk. He tends to start drinking after 3pm each day (and I think because he’s not the type of alcoholic to start drinking first thing in the morning then he refuses to accept that he is one), and will have several beers and wines. He’s hid bottles of wine before from the family, lied about how much he has had etc. But every single evening I visit the house he’s slurring his words and it makes me so angry. I then feel guilty that every interaction I have with my dad is one I feel anger towards.

I’m so hurt by it all, my sister who is a year older than me seems to have accepted it and has given up, my mum seems oblivious at the seriousness of his addiction and doesn’t want to mention it to him as it tends to cause arguments. So I feel I’m the only family member that is naive and foolish enough to hope that there’s a chance he could get better one day. I think because I have false hope it hurts even more every time I go to the family home and he is drunk. I don’t know how to cope with it. I feel angry at him, disappointed in my mum and sister, guilty for not being able to fix it, and I feel dread thinking that when the day does come that my dad has liver cancer or has an early death due to his drinking, I’ll resent him for the rest of my life. I won’t be able to look back on at his life with fond memories, everything will be clouded by the times he was drunk, how he never tried to get help, how my mum and sister were passive to it all, and ultimately I’ll blame myself for not trying harder. I dread the future my family will have, and I hate myself for typing out that I’ll resent my dad but it’s the truth. Hearing the sound of a beer can crack open or the sound of wine pouring into a glass fills me with rage. I know it’s an addiction and an illness but it’s the fact that he refuses to get help and shows no motivation at all to change. Several times I’ve tried to had a “heart to heart” conversation with him about how sad it makes me that he’ll miss so much in life if he continues drinking like this. But nothing changes 🙁 I feel so let down and hurt, and I think that hurt then converts to anger and the anger makes me miserable and exhausted.
His dad was an alcoholic, he must know the hurt having an alcoholic parent causes, he must know the hurt that his dad (my grandad) died before I was born because of his alcoholism so I never met him. My dad will also miss meeting his grandchildren. Why does he allow for history to repeat itself 🙁 and if that’s not bad enough, his brother (my uncle) is an alcoholic too. My uncle even had liver cancer and was drinking the day after his operation! Neither of them change, it’s like they’re both digging themselves an early grave with no regrets in the process. I’m so so hurt by it all and it makes me feel so alone when my mum and sister don’t seem to even care anymore, and I’m left with all the sadness and anger that they don’t want to face 🙁