I’m so tired and scared
Sometimes I really do feel like my mum will never get sober especially on nights like these , she went out to the pub after school and i went with her cuz I worry bout her and I hope that maybe if I’m there she won’t drink as much cuz she knows it upsets me , she comes home drunk after like a whole bottle maybe more and as soon as my dad comes home after a day of work she’s having a go and him and normally my dad will just sit and take it but tonight something was just different cuz he’s just had enough and he actually yelled back at her but then stormed out , my mum maybe sobered up a bit and suddenly got really worried like some instinct and drove around looking for him but now she’s calling the police because we can’t find him , I just can’t keep doing this , like I’m only 13 and I go to school like any normal person but also trying to balance this going on every night at home , I just don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with this and pretend nothing is going on at home because we aren’t allowed to talk about it because my mum doesn’t meet the threshold for any real help (not that she wants it , she doesn’t take her craving pills anyways ) but if we talk about it it’s bad enough for social services to get involved , I’m just so stuck and don’t know how to cope with this
Hey. You have done the right thing in reaching out here. We are a safe space that can help support you. My main advice would be to talk to someone you trust. Remember that it's an illness and it maybe that your mum can't just stop drinking if she's drinking regularly. My main advice would be to look after you. Definitely look at the Nacoa 6 Cs. If you ever want a listening ear there is the helpline for some reassurance. What kind of activities do you enjoy? Do more of them. I used to love listening to music when I was your age. It would put me in a differnt world blocking out everyone one else.
If you feel like you can't talk to someone write it down and rip it up. It gets all those thought out on paper. Look after yourself. If you can't talk out loud we are here for you.
Hello catzz_143,
I am so sorry to hear about what happened – what a difficult situation, that must have been so scary.
Going to the pub with your mum to look after her it is such a tricky position to be in.
Also, that followed with your dad leaving and police being called – that is a lot to go through and it is totally understandable to feel tired and scared.
Like you said, you are only 13 and you should not have to go through that – balancing school and what is happening at home is a lot to take in.
Is there someone at school you feel comfortable talking to? Maybe a teacher or another staff member?
It can be so much harder navigating all of this when you cannot talk at home about what is happening. However having someone aware of the situation that you can reach out to is so important.
Please continue reaching out here and use the helpline if you ever feel like so.
Nacoa is here for you!
Take care,
Listener
Hi catzz_143
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds incredibly tough, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re doing your best, and it’s clear you care deeply about your family, it's also important to remember that this isn’t something you should be carrying alone. You have done the right thing reaching out.
It must feel like a lot of responsibility to have to keep everything quiet, especially if you can’t talk about it with anyone you trust. But holding it all in isn't healthy either. There are people out there who are ready to listen —like a school counsellor / teacher or another trusted adult / family member - who can support you and help you figure out what your next steps might be. You don't have to keep pretending everything is fine and carry this all by yourself.
Many people are surprised how much it can help to simply talk about how they are feeling with someone. Please do remember you can always get some one-to-one support through the Nacoa helpline too (helpline@nacoa.org.uk / 0800 358 3456).
Take care and please do keep reaching out.
Elisastar
Hi catzz_123 I'm so sorry that things got so bad for you recently. The feeling that you aren't allowed to talk about it is so common for children of alcoholics. Ususally the alcoholic knows deep down that what they are doing is harmful and feel so ashamed, which is why they don't want anyone to talk about it. Even though they feel bad they just can't stop drinking. It's not true that you are not allowed to talk about it. That's just a rule they made up. Both my parents are alcoholics and I feel so much better now that I talk about it. Can you talk to your Dad or any other family members - aunts or uncles - about how you are finding it hard to cope and ask if they would get some help for you and let your school know that things are hard at home? There is a group called Alanon which is for family members of alcoholics, there would be one that meets near you. It would really help your teachers to support you if they knew what was going on, but I do understand your fear about social services. They don't always contact them, especially as your Dad is there, it would depend if they thought you were in danger. But if they did contact them it isn't about anyone getting in trouble, it is about trying to get more support for everyone. Do what feels best for you, but I am so glad that you reached out here and ARE talking about what is really going on. Thousands of us have gone through the same thing and life does get better as you get older and can make more of your own choices. You are not alone.