Limerance caused by my mum’s drinking
Hey ,
I hope this is allowed as it is related to the effect my alcoholic mum has had on me.
One of my colleagues was incredibly complimentary about me. and it has caused me to not be able to stop thinking about them. It was so nice to hear such kind words and feel special for those moments, something I have craved all my life. I think about him holding and kissing me and telling me things will be ok. The alcohol addiction caused my mum to be never present!I was never allowed to be comforted , I was the prettified child holding everything emotionally. I’m not sure what his sexuality is… And the unavailability of it makes it even harder to deal with. I’ve really been enjoying getting to know him as friends and I want to have a genuine feelings for him either way …
I’m so jealous of his partner… He’s so emotionally intelligent, articulate, funny and handsome .
The effect of alcohol parent runs so deep. I feel so ashamed to have these feelings, like I’m a freak that needs to hide away from the world. Do you think my friend would hate me if he knew..
Complex trauma really tricks you into questioning wether you can trust your own intuition. The mental rigrimrol this causes me is just cruel ….
Can anyone relate?
Hi,
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing what you have here. I'm really sorry to hear how absent your mum was when you were growing up, and how little space you had to truly feel. That sounds incredibly painful and lonely.
It sounds so important that you’re able to recognise the impact your colleagues’ words had on you and how much you responded to the kindness in them. I wonder if there are other places in your life where you are able feel kindness and validation? You absolutely deserve to feel seen, supported, and special.
You’re right — complex trauma can make it feel really hard to trust your own intuition. Are you getting any support at the moment? You don’t have to go through this alone.
You can always contact Nacoa too through the helpline the number is 0800 358 3456 or email on helpline@nacoa.org.uk.
I hope you’re able to connect with others on the message board too, and know, truly, that you’re not alone.
Listener