Loss of connection with a parent

It felt as though our family had a shameful secret that couldn’t be discussed

I wanted people to understand, to know what I was going through, but no one understands unless they’ve experienced it themselves and I was too messed up to let people get close.

I wanted people to understand, to know what I was going through, but no one understands unless they’ve experienced it themselves and I was too messed up to let people get close.

I felt like I was made up of pieces from other people

I have had the courage to heal the sickness inside me. To rid myself of the shame and blame and guilt that was never mine anyway.

I have had the courage to heal the sickness inside me. To rid myself of the shame and blame and guilt that was never mine anyway.

Mind the gap

There was a silence filled with clanging feelings of humiliation and doubt and fear.

There was a silence filled with clanging feelings of humiliation and doubt and fear.

Safe as houses: No one hits you, yells at you. But there is a great secret, betrayed only by the knowing looks of others

But you will keep the secret to yourself that isn’t even a secret.. You don’t talk about it, you don’t talk about yourself, you don’t talk about your family, you keep your hopes and dreams to yourself but you don’t know why.

But you will keep the secret to yourself that isn’t even a secret.. You don’t talk about it, you don’t talk about yourself, you don’t talk about your family, you keep your hopes and dreams to yourself but you don’t know why.

The Two Mothers

I am haunted by the idea that the telling of these dark truths is an unwarranted betrayal of my mother.

I am haunted by the idea that the telling of these dark truths is an unwarranted betrayal of my mother.

I don’t know what’s more heart breaking

What I don’t ever do though is say out loud, mum you’re drinking too much, have you thought about stopping.

What I don’t ever do though is say out loud, mum you’re drinking too much, have you thought about stopping.

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