When I was younger I always knew there was something not quite right

The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

Dad would drink wine every single night but I didn’t think anything of it. Him and mum had a rocky marriage and separated when I was 9 years old. I found it so hard – I was such a daddy’s girl and him leaving was the hardest thing I’d ever been through – until a month ago when he passed away of acute pancreatitis.

I found out dad was an alcoholic when I was about 14 years old. I tried to talk to him about it when I would go to stay with him but he wouldn’t listen. He truly didn’t believe he was an alcoholic – it was his denial which finally killed him. He just drank and drank.

When he lost his job a few months before his death he would just sit at home and drink all day. When he died I didn’t know whether to cry or to be angry. I felt so guilty because in a way I had given up on him. He wasn’t listening to me or anyone else, I’m an adult now, and as far as I saw it I had my own life to lead. I tried so hard with him before but I was just banging my head against a brick wall – he didn’t want to know.

The last time I spoke to him on the phone, I’d been back at uni for the new term for a few weeks. He’s asked me to call him to let him know how I was so I did. He didn’t even know who I was. That’s what the drink did to him. He wasn’t my dad anymore – he was just a shell.

I remember the day I was told. I was going home for the weekend to see my mum and step dad. When I spoke to mum on the phone to let her know I was setting off home, I could tell there was something bothering her. When I got in, I was ushered into the lounge where mum was – I could tell she had been crying – nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to be told.

It was so uncanny; George Best’s funeral was on the television in the background when mum told me dad had been found dead. He was found by the police at 4.30 on Friday morning. Mum didn’t want to tell me on the phone so waited till I got home. I thought it was all a joke – I didn’t believe it till I went to him in the morgue at the hospital. I know it sounds horrific – but my dad was a joker and I really thought this was another one of his pranks. But he wasn’t – it was him – he was gone forever and I never got to say goodbye. I can’t remember the last time I told him. I loved him. I had got so annoyed with him as I got older that I just gave up on maintaining a relationship with him. I was so angry with him for leaving me and my sister – he was going to miss everything – our graduations, our weddings, his grandchildren.

The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness. I strongly believe it needs to be talked about more – it’s too much of a taboo subject in today’s society and that’s half the problem.

 I used to be embarrassed about my dad being an alcoholic – I wouldn’t ever tell my friends. But now I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Alcoholics need support – not belittlement. I only wish I knew this before – then maybe my dad would still be alive now. However, we can’t blame ourselves – what I intend to do is to ensure that my dad lives on through me – I won’t ever let him be forgotten.

Karen

Categories:

When I was younger I always knew there was something not quite right

The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism...

When I was younger I always knew there was something not quite right

The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism...

  • About Nacoa

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • About Nacoa

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Hello!

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa branding - style guide

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Contact us Person looking at Nacoa's website for people affected by a parent's drinking to show different ways to contact for support or to get involved with the charity to help other children of alcoholics

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Governance

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • History

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa Helpline

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Calling the helpline

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Helpline FAQs

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Managing browser history

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Monitoring & evaluation

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Policies & procedures

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Our people

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Abie Dunlop

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Amanda Brett

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Amy Dickson

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Carolyn Jones

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Ceri Walker

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Dr Anne-Marie Barron

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Dr Piers Henriques

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Euan Graham Euan Graham

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Hilary Henriques MBE

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Jane Elson

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Josh Connolly

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Katy Stafford

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Laura Leadbeater

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Laurence McAllister Alleyne

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Maya Parker MA

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Peter Irwin

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Patrons & ambassadors

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • The Nacoa Promise

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Experiences Search Result

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Get involved

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Donate or become a member

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • About Gift Aid

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Become a corporate member

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Become a member

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Welcome new member

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Donate in memory

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Gift in your will

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Give in celebration

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Make a donation

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Thank you!

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • More ways to give

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Fundraising

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Thank you for signing up to Big Nacoa Walk 2024! Big Nacoa Walk thumbnail

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Raise awareness

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Sponsored events

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Volunteering

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa Volunteer Application Form

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Message boards

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Log In

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Message board rules of conduct

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Start a new topic

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa: Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking Nacoa UK Helping everyone affected by their parent's drinking

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • News & events

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Events

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Features

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Latest

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • News

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Privacy and cookies policy

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Research & resources

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Books, videos and media

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa professionals training

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Nacoa publications

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Research

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Widening Access

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Some Punjabi and Sikh parents drink too much…

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Support & advice

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Adults

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Books, videos and media

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • FAQs

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Help and advice

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Information

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Personal experiences

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Children

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Books, videos and media

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • FAQs

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Help and advice

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Information

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Personal experiences

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Concerned others & professionals

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Books, videos and media

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • FAQs

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Help and advice

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Information

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Personal experiences

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Young people

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Books, videos and media

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • FAQs

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Help and advice

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Information

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Personal experiences

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

  • Topics

    The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness.

Dad would drink wine every single night but I didn’t think anything of it. Him and mum had a rocky marriage and separated when I was 9 years old. I found it so hard – I was such a daddy’s girl and him leaving was the hardest thing I’d ever been through – until a month ago when he passed away of acute pancreatitis.

I found out dad was an alcoholic when I was about 14 years old. I tried to talk to him about it when I would go to stay with him but he wouldn’t listen. He truly didn’t believe he was an alcoholic – it was his denial which finally killed him. He just drank and drank.

When he lost his job a few months before his death he would just sit at home and drink all day. When he died I didn’t know whether to cry or to be angry. I felt so guilty because in a way I had given up on him. He wasn’t listening to me or anyone else, I’m an adult now, and as far as I saw it I had my own life to lead. I tried so hard with him before but I was just banging my head against a brick wall – he didn’t want to know.

The last time I spoke to him on the phone, I’d been back at uni for the new term for a few weeks. He’s asked me to call him to let him know how I was so I did. He didn’t even know who I was. That’s what the drink did to him. He wasn’t my dad anymore – he was just a shell.

I remember the day I was told. I was going home for the weekend to see my mum and step dad. When I spoke to mum on the phone to let her know I was setting off home, I could tell there was something bothering her. When I got in, I was ushered into the lounge where mum was – I could tell she had been crying – nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to be told.

It was so uncanny; George Best’s funeral was on the television in the background when mum told me dad had been found dead. He was found by the police at 4.30 on Friday morning. Mum didn’t want to tell me on the phone so waited till I got home. I thought it was all a joke – I didn’t believe it till I went to him in the morgue at the hospital. I know it sounds horrific – but my dad was a joker and I really thought this was another one of his pranks. But he wasn’t – it was him – he was gone forever and I never got to say goodbye. I can’t remember the last time I told him. I loved him. I had got so annoyed with him as I got older that I just gave up on maintaining a relationship with him. I was so angry with him for leaving me and my sister – he was going to miss everything – our graduations, our weddings, his grandchildren.

The point I want to make is that I don’t blame my dad anymore – he was ill – alcoholism is an illness. I strongly believe it needs to be talked about more – it’s too much of a taboo subject in today’s society and that’s half the problem.

 I used to be embarrassed about my dad being an alcoholic – I wouldn’t ever tell my friends. But now I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Alcoholics need support – not belittlement. I only wish I knew this before – then maybe my dad would still be alive now. However, we can’t blame ourselves – what I intend to do is to ensure that my dad lives on through me – I won’t ever let him be forgotten.

Karen

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Resources you may like

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.