Is giving hope to my children the right thing?

Replies
1
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

0

jaciecooke7778@gmail.com

Hello
I am struggling with which path to support my children 11 and 8, their father an alcoholic who does not live with us.
My son has recently become quite militant that no one should bad mouth his father, even when he’s hurting him emotionally.
I keep being told that I should encourage them to have hope and that it won’t always be like this. But I don’t think that’s realistic as their father is not anywhere near ready to change, and even tells me he intends to drink til it kills him:
What advice do people have for the children of drinkers in this phase? I don’t want to hurt my sons feelings but also want to acknowledge my daughter who feels really let down and exhausted by it all.
Many thanks and thoughts with everyone in this same or similar boat xxx

  • listener

    Hello,

    I'm so sorry to hear how much your children are struggling with their father's drinking. The feelings they are both experiencing are totally natural and valid. You're not alone in not knowing how best to help them - so many parents struggle with this. Remember that you're helping them so much by being a reliable, caring parent and it's only natural for you to struggle with this.

    Nacoa suggests being as open and honest as possible with children. It's understandable that your son doesn't want anyone bad mouthing his father, but being open about what's going on can be done in a way that isn't 'bad mouthing' him. The following links might help you feel prepared for those conversations -

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Information-for-Parents.pdf

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Jaspers-Wish.pdf

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/Some-mums-and-dads-drink-too-much.pdf

    Hopefully they can be used as a guide, but of course you know your children best and you will know what's most appropriate for each of them.

    I hope you also have support for yourself. It's an incredibly hard situation to navigate and you are important too.

    Take care,
    Listener x

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Like a ton of bricks
    Hey everyone, I'm around the five month mark of no contact with my mum. All week I've felt so tearful and exhausted on the brink…
  • Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?
    So me and my brother have supported my mother since we were teenagers and things have gotten progressively worse. Over time she has become recluse…
  • Boundaries – why is it so hard !
    Hi everyone, This last week following mother's day I realised that I just couldn't watch my mum get drunk anymore and sadly I don't think…
  • Limerance caused by my mum’s drinking
    Hey , I hope this is allowed as it is related to the effect my alcoholic mum has had on me. One of my colleagues…
  • The wider impact
    As I’m sure many do I feel like I’ve come here for a serious offload. My dad has been an alcoholic for most of my…

Recent replies

  • Hi katy996, I'm really sorry to hear that you were let down by your colleague. You were incredibly brave to reach out to him in…
    listener on Like a ton of bricks
  • I just want to say well done for your bravery and strength in getting to 5 months no contact, this must be so hard and…
    butterfly583 on Like a ton of bricks
  • Hi there, Thank you for sharing what's going on for you at the moment. It's always difficult making decisions like this, but you need to…
    marble on Like a ton of bricks
  • Cutting ties with a parent is never a decision made lightly. It’s something that takes immense courage, especially when it’s about reclaiming your peace and…
    sparklecoordinator on Boundaries – why is it so hard !
  • She hasnt worked for a long long time. She does own her home and obviously ideally its pretty tragic to have to sell to pay…
    mmkl on Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.