Can never quite get it right
Being around drunk people is insufferable as is but especially when it’s your mum who you know is going to start yelling any minute now, today I was trying to avoid her in the most inoffensive way possible , sitting under a blanket, because if I got up and left she would get angry and if I stayed as is I would probably snap at her because being around her when she’s drunk is really really difficult, but that still didn’t work she gets angry at me for not watching the tv?! U literally just can’t win with alcoholics and it’s so annoying . Like if I argue with her when she’s drunk she won’t remember it the next day which is good cuz she isn’t angry but it isn’t means she doesn’t remember me begging her to get sober , or she doesn’t understand why I’m more distant because she doesn’t remeber anything going wrong , or like we have a family therapist because family issues but I’m not allowed to bring up her alcoholism? (When that’s one of the main issues) or she can go to AA but I can’t go to alateen because I must be accusing her of being a terrible alcoholic mother, or she can be under addiction services , going to AA ect but still isn’t an alcoholic somehow? It just really feels like I’ve gone through the bloody looking glass sometimes, alcoholic logic just makes no sense and there’s no way to reason with her, I mean luckily her drinking isn’t as bad as it used to be like she isn’t wasted every night now but it’s still so frustrating trying reason with her or just exist in the same house as her when she’s drunk, I just don’t get what your meant to do in this situation tbh because she’ll find a way to make anything you do the wrong reaction
Hi Catzz_143,
You’ve done the right thing in sharing. It sounds exhausting to pick your behaviour based on what might avoid an argument rather than just being able to exist in the moment. You are right, trying to reason with someone who has been drinking often does feel impossible and their logic can be both confusing and upsetting. It can feel there is no right answer regardless of what you do – that’s because it’s not really about you. This isn’t your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong and you don’t deserve to be yelled at.
Is there anywhere you can go to get away from things when mum is acting this way?
I like how you’ve described feeling through the looking glass. It does feel that way sometimes. I’m sure others can relate to that feeling too.
You mentioned being unable to bring up alcoholism in family therapy. That sounds really frustrating for you. Is that something you can talk with the therapist about? It feels important you should be able to talk honestly about what’s going on for you and how these things are impacting you. Your feelings matter. You matter.
Please do remember you can always contact Nacoa. Their helpline counsellors will listen and never judge. Everything you say is confidential and nobody has to know you’ve reached out, unless you choose you want them to know. You can call or email and the helpline is open between 10am and 7pm Monday to Saturday.
Helpline@nacoa.org.uk
0800 358 3456
Best Wishes,
Listener