Father starting to recover but it’s not enough

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thebigdipper

My father has been an alcoholic most of my life and is finally starting to attempt recovery, but it feels like too little too late. He wasn’t just an alcoholic, he was rude and manipulative and used me and other family for ‘emotional support’ (i.e free therapy) from very early in our childhood; this put us into positions where we never wanted to speak against him because of his traumatic past. He’s finally starting recovery and me and my family are all grown adults now, but it feels like too little too late. He makes me miserable and has for basically my whole life. I can’t forgive him or give him my trust because of all the times he’s broken it. I don’t like him anymore and I don’t want him in my life, but I still live with my parents and struggle to find a job because of how my studies affect my availability so it’s not like I can save up to move out anytime soon. I try and stay with friends when things are too difficult but I just can’t stand him anymore. I wanna try and support him, I know getting support for struggles and addictions is challenging but I just can’t take his whining and his attitude that nothing is his own fault. He makes me so angry and so disgusted. I can barely speak to him anymore. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to undo all the damage our relationship has taken, I don’t know if I even want to try. Has anyone else felt like this? Could things get better or is my relationship with my father a lost cause?

  • listener

    Hi thebigdipper,

    That's understandable why you think and feel that way, on the one hand it's good that your dad is seemingly attempting a recovery but having him behave this way all the way from being a young child, is understandably something that has made you not like him, as the years have went on.

    Studying and working at the same time and having enough to be able to actually afford to move out is a lot, potentially you will have to wait until you finish studying but at least this is something that will eventually happen with a rough sort of time frame. It's helpful you have friends to stay with now and then, potentially your questions might get answered as time goes on, as you see what happens and how you feel about his recovery.

    Regards,

    Listener

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