Father starting to recover but it’s not enough

Replies
1
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

1

thebigdipper

My father has been an alcoholic most of my life and is finally starting to attempt recovery, but it feels like too little too late. He wasn’t just an alcoholic, he was rude and manipulative and used me and other family for ‘emotional support’ (i.e free therapy) from very early in our childhood; this put us into positions where we never wanted to speak against him because of his traumatic past. He’s finally starting recovery and me and my family are all grown adults now, but it feels like too little too late. He makes me miserable and has for basically my whole life. I can’t forgive him or give him my trust because of all the times he’s broken it. I don’t like him anymore and I don’t want him in my life, but I still live with my parents and struggle to find a job because of how my studies affect my availability so it’s not like I can save up to move out anytime soon. I try and stay with friends when things are too difficult but I just can’t stand him anymore. I wanna try and support him, I know getting support for struggles and addictions is challenging but I just can’t take his whining and his attitude that nothing is his own fault. He makes me so angry and so disgusted. I can barely speak to him anymore. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to undo all the damage our relationship has taken, I don’t know if I even want to try. Has anyone else felt like this? Could things get better or is my relationship with my father a lost cause?

  • listener

    Hi thebigdipper,

    That's understandable why you think and feel that way, on the one hand it's good that your dad is seemingly attempting a recovery but having him behave this way all the way from being a young child, is understandably something that has made you not like him, as the years have went on.

    Studying and working at the same time and having enough to be able to actually afford to move out is a lot, potentially you will have to wait until you finish studying but at least this is something that will eventually happen with a rough sort of time frame. It's helpful you have friends to stay with now and then, potentially your questions might get answered as time goes on, as you see what happens and how you feel about his recovery.

    Regards,

    Listener

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Care assistance and general rant.
    Hello, First post here and after some advice hopefully in relation to my Dad For background he’s been a lifelong drinker, pretty much solely in…
  • Still struggling 10 years on
    Hi all New to NACOA and this board, wondering if others are in a similar spot. I have just turned 50 and my Dad died…
  • Feeling hopeless and angry
    Think like many others, I’ve come here for a bit of an offload. My mum was hospitalised last night from falling down the stairs drunk…
  • Hello, glad to meet you…
    Hi everyone, I just wanted to take the time to introduce myself to this wonderful group. I am a man in my early 30s who…
  • Exasperated Son
    Hi, not sure where to start and thinking I’ll need 1000+ pages to convey all that’s going on and how it’s making me feel. I’m…

Recent replies

  • Hi, I am so sorry to hear of all the problems that have arisen due to the debt because of your father's drinking, unfortunately it…
    listener on Exasperated Son
  • Hi, I’m so glad that you have found us here at Nacoa. How was it to write this out? I really hope you can hear…
    listener on Care assistance and general rant.
  • Welcome Zammo. You are not alone, my 69 year old father is still alive but for how long who knows, the admissions to A&E due…
    thewondererofwhy on Still struggling 10 years on
  • I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. Your story resonates with me as a 43 year old man who’s Dad at 69…
    thewondererofwhy on Feeling hopeless and angry
  • The debt part was really tough, and on reflection tougher than I realised at the time. We lived in a relatively large town in the…
    thewondererofwhy on Exasperated Son

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.