My dad is choosing alcohol



please get better

For context from the day i was born till i was 12 me and my dad were close then the pandemic hit and he took up drinking. He used to stay at home to drink but in 2022 he started going to the park till late to drink with other people. Recently he met this guy whos homeless and brought him to my house (hes been around for 2 months now) and now my dad has started smoking weed again and is coming home so late but i have gcses to focus on and my mental health is crippling. My mum works away from home so shes trying to do everything but he drinks the money she earns. I love him a lot but he keeps doing this and its unfair.

  • tammylizz

    Hi there. Firstly, it’s very brave of you to come and share what you are going through. How is your dad the day after the night before? Do you have an opportunity to talk to him away from the person who he has invited into your home and when he hasn’t been under the influence of alcohol or weed? Could you explain how you are feeling to him, as from your post, it seems like you have had a close relationship prior. Do you have any way of accessing revision sessions at your school? Just you have come to the right place we are here to help and offer support for you.

    • please get better

      i have tried before and he always tells me hes gonna change but hes not a very emotional person so its hard for him to explain his side he mainly just says sorry then we move on and the cycle goes on. school wise i revise at school when i can and im going to start revising in a public library. thank you for replying

  • here2help

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you are going through, but I’m glad you reached out on here for support. You’re right, it isn’t fair at all that you’re going through this, and I’m so sorry that your father’s drinking has been impacting you and that your mother is working away from home. Are there any adults you feel you could speak to, maybe one of your teachers or another relative or neighbour you could trust? Maybe you could talk to a friend? It’s hard to let others know what you are going through but there will be people around who care about you and will support you. It’s ok to ask for support. I know that preparing for GCSE’s is stressful already and it must be hard to concentrate with what is going on at home. Could you study in a public library or at school where it’s quieter? Or maybe study with a friend at their house? The most important thing you can do right now is to prioritise yourself and your future, and put yourself first - take good care of yourself. You can call the Nacoa helpline to speak to someone if you want to talk. You’re not alone. Take care and keep yourself safe.

    • please get better

      thanks for replying. i always tell my aunt (his older sister) and last year she did offer to move me out to ireland with her but i turned it down because id be leaving everything and im not used to change. but my aunt in england (his younger sister) always lets me stay if i need to. im going to start studying in my public library as well

      • here2help

        Ah that’s so good you have two aunts you can speak to. I know change is very hard and moving away from friends would be difficult, but it’s something to consider for the future and it’s good you have that as an option if you do want to get further away from the situation while you study A levels or other things. Revising in the library sounds like a good idea for now too. I’m glad you can also go to your other aunt’s house if you need to who lives closer.

        My dad was an alcoholic too, and I loved him very much. I know he loved me too, and he would get upset and apologise to me for his drinking too. But unfortunately addiction is a disease that looks more like a choice, and I was always angry that he couldn’t just choose to stop drinking. It is very hard for someone to stop drinking when they are addicted to alcohol, and it’s so sad when it happens to someone you love so much. I am sure your dad loves you very much and hopefully he will find a way through this one day. I remember feeling scared and so uncomfortable when my dad brought strangers home and they were drinking and smoking weed in the house. What you’re going through is so hard and I’m sorry you have to experience it. I’m sending you lots of courage, I know it’s so difficult but you will get through this one day at a time.

        Keep talking to your mum about it when you can and how it makes you feel, and keep reaching out to your aunts to update them and let them know how you’re doing. It might also help to speak to a school counsellor about the situation to see if there’s any way the school can support you while you go through your GCSEs and what you can do afterwards. But above everything else, keep putting yourself first and always keep yourself safe no matter what. Try to find safe spaces in the house or go out for walks, spend time with friends, do hobbies in your bedroom like drawing or reading, maybe that will help to help take your mind off things and relieve some stress. And you can keep coming back here to talk to us, you’re not alone, as so many of us have been through this too and are here to support others.

  • emmanewman

    Hi there,
    I am glad you are reaching out for help. If you want to call the helpline and speak to someone it is confidential and might help you feel supported. It is a lonely and scary place to be in for you with your mum being away from the home and your dad drinking and smoking weed. Does your mum come home at night? Are there any other safe adults you can talk to within your family or school? Talking it through with a therapist can help you feel supported and heard. I have been in similar shoes to you and know how isolating it can feel. Well done for reaching out

    • please get better

      my mum works away for either 2 weeks or 4 weeks at a time and comes back for 1 week. i talk to my aunties and my 1st cousin knows about it but she has young kids to look after but my aunt always offers me to stay at her house and my other aunt talks it out with me. i cant speak with a therapist because money is tight and dont want a school counsellor because if i tell then they might tell social services and i dont want to be taken into foster care. thank you for replying it means a lot

      • emmanewman

        Bless you, that's a long time for you to have your mum away. Have you tried talking to her about how your dad's behaviour is making you feel unsafe?

        I would recommend a school counsellor, I am one myself and they wouldn't involve social services unless there was a serious harm to you and you certainly won't be taken away from your parents, this only happens on very extreme circumstances, support is always given to the family first and that's only if there is extreme concern.

        I would recommend staying with yoru aunt for respite when you can so you can gain some care and nuture from her and revise without being distracted.

        Please do keep talking and reaching out for help, don't let fear stop you from seeking support. I know from personal experience how scary a parent drinking and doing drugs is and it's important you don't suffer with your thoughts alone.

        • please get better

          yeah i tell her everytime something happens but realistically you cant stop and alcoholic from doing what they want but she makes sure i go to sleep feeling okay. i might get a counsellor but they take people out mid lessons and its very crucial for me right now because of GCSEs. thank you so much

  • pearl

    I’m so sorry you are going through this and to read the impact it’s having on your mental health, it is certainly unfair. You have come to the right place, Nacoa has many resources and particularly the opportunity to be able to have a chat with someone via the helpline can be really helpful. Well done for reaching out here, you are not alone.

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