Anticipating fathers death
My father has cirrhosis of the liver, 25% kidney capacity and a DNR on his file. It is likely this is his last Christmas. He coerced and manipulated me to enable his drinking and I have issues with anxiety, conflict and food as a 36 year old adult. I have no self worth. He snapped at me when I was 10 years old calling me fat. He would drive drunk to buy more alcohol. I’m so angry at him but I feel so guilty I enabled his addiction. I just feel like I’m in this agonising limbo waiting for him to die.
Hello Luna,
I am sorry to hear about what you're going through, and everything you have been through. I am glad you found this space, please remember you are not alone!
How did it feel writing this down? Having a parent that struggles with alcohol addiction, can bring all sorts of feelings, and those feelings are valid. I just want to say that you did not deserve to go through all of this, your matter in this and your needs matter. Please remember the 6 C's:
I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices
Seeing a parent's health deteriorating can be incredibly upsetting and scary. Please continue using this space whenever you need it, you do not have to go through this alone.
Take care,
Listener