Father – a poem to you.
Father,
I feel betrayed deep in my bones.
For your love is all I’ve ever longed for.
It was a push and pull.
A Turbulence.
The past decade has felt so rough,
I know mums death took it out on us.
You’ve searched for meaning, for the answers you may never know.
So have I.
I guess this wound will always be raw, weeping.
The closure we needed didn’t come.
At the end of the day all that was left to do was run.
Run from the taunting of time and the absence of her who we held so dearly.
It felt sharp, like a knife to every feeling.
I forgive you for your words, for the hurt.
Deep down I know you did what you could to survive.
Though for the little girl in me, I still might cry.
So stunted, so haunted.
Believing each little lie, every time you weren’t sober, it hurt her.
She hurt more for you than for herself.
Losing herself was easy.
Trying to find a way back, so much harder.
I know you tried Father.
I see you and I see your pain.
Sometimes it would feel like we lost you every time you drank. It was heavy.
At times I couldn’t accept the father I knew might not be there anymore.
A loss so profound dealt with a heavy pain.
I can’t be harsh because it weighed so heavily on us all.
So heavy on our shoulders.
We each found our ways to cope, to hold on to the last piece of hope.
You did what you could.
You are still here today.
We are here.
And in this wreck love still remains.
Hi Tm19x,
Thank you so much for sharing such powerful words. This is such an insightful poem and I know others who use the message board will relate. How was it to write this out?
I could really picture the inner child in your words and I’m so glad you can carry such empathy and understanding for her. She deserves that kindness– you deserve that kindness.
Please remember that Nacoa is here for you and if you would like any one to one support, please don't hesitate to contact the helpline (helpline@nacoa.org.uk / 0800 358 3456).
Listener