Functioning alcoholic dad due to retire

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michaela1984

Hi all,
I am just wondering if anyone is in the same boat as myself. My dad is deteriorating by the day. He has always drank as soon as he gets home from work (around 4pm until bedtime) and still be able to get up for work as normal the next day – this has been ‘normal’ since I was a child. Since lockdown he’s become much worse at weekends where he HAS to be home by 11am to start drinking otherwise he’ll become argumentative. Now I’m worried that when he retires he’ll start drinking at 11am throughout the week too. He’s due to retire in the next couple of years and I’m worried it’ll kill him off or wreck our families relationship. My mum is already struggling with him and I don’t want to see my dad get even worse. I have young children too so that’s an added worry.

I know I can’t really help my dad but just want to get it off my chest to people who understand. X

  • listener

    Hi Michaela1984,

    I'm so sorry to hear that your dad's drinking is worsening. It must be very worrying to see him go from functioning fairly well to losing more of that control. I appreciate why you're concerned that things will deteriorate further when he retires.

    There are some resources that can help you to have conversations with your dad here: https://nacoa.org.uk/research-resources/publication/

    However, it's really positive that you recognise you can't control things. It's so hard, but as you know, there's only so much you can do until your dad accepts your help.

    It's really important to think about your own wellbeing in all of this. It sounds like you have lots on your plate at the moment with young children as well. Do you have any support around you, or any coping mechanisms that are helping?

    Well done for reaching out on here. I hope you're able to connect with others who can relate to your experiences.

    Take good care

  • uniquemind

    Hi,

    I am sorry you're going through this,

    It is normal that you are concerned for your dad's drinking. I feel lock down is a major factor for illness and substance misuse worsening. It is natural for you to be extremely worried about your father's well-being at this moment in time and it is so difficult to understand and piece together. However, substance misuse is a progressive illness if not treated. You cannot control it and it is never someone else's fault. There is only so much support and guidance you can give until they seek help themselves. I have learnt this within my parental substance misuse issues. So I personally understand where you're coming from with this.

    Please look after yourself and others around you who are experiencing the same as you. Please remember you are never alone in these type of situations and many others can relate to you on so many levels.

    I hope this helps

    Best wishes

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