I have lost both my parents to alcohol, my dad was a drinker for as long as I can remember, but when we lived in Ireland it was social drinking with his friends or family. When we moved here to the UK that all changed, looking back now I can see he was unhappy he missed home and his family and drinking helped deal with those feelings.
Then after a few years of him drinking and falling asleep looking after us while my mum worked nights, his dad died we all raced home for the funeral and my dad was drunk all the time but it was ok after all he had lost his dad. when we got back to the UK he continued his drinking but I started to notice he was changing jobs a lot, money was tight and the usual bullying would start for my lack of fashionable clothes and oh yes the drunk dad. We moved to a new house when I was twelve dad was working and I do not remember him getting paralytic for a while, that was till in the middle of the night our door knocked and it was the police, My nana a drunk driver had killed his mum and because all her children did not live in Ireland had been in a morgue for a few days.
That is the point that I can bring the worst of it too, we had no money to get him home so we had to ask the local priest, he was mortified, and he went home to sort the funeral. when he returned he was different he was drinking all day every day arguing with my mum, and shouting out the window at kids who were making too much noise my life was hell. Looking back now I can see he was in the deepest depression but back then MEN did not get such things as alcohol, NO never he just liked a drink oh and of course, he was Irish! This went on for all my teenage years I have so many horror stories that I relive, then when I was twenty I gave birth to twin girls whom my dad idolised he would play with them and spend time reading to them he seemed to have found something more important than the drink.
We had a couple of years where my dad still drank but not in front of the girls or if he knew they were coming over. Then one day we were all having a great time laughing and playing games with the girls when one of them started to cry, dad had been playing with her and had hurt her by accident, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT but my dad’s reaction was horrible he was so guilty he was crying and hugging her he was so sorry. I told him not to worry it happens but he was devastated.
Unbeknown to us that day my dad had blamed the whisky. He vowed never to drink again none of us knew he just carried on he did seem forgetful, and a little unsteady on his feet but we put it down to the drink, till he fell down the stairs he cut his head and seemed confused so we called an ambulance who took him to hospital. It was only there that I noticed he was skin and bones, he was always tall and skinny but this was horrible, after a few days they told us that tests had shown he had Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome What the hell was that? we had no internet to google it and back then it was a little-known disease so the doctor told us he would forever be forgetful as his memory had a lot of loss, he could NEVER drink again or it would kill him and the worst part was he could never live at home again. So they sent him to a home in Margate we lived in London! it was there or Aberdeen as they were the only two places that knew how to treat this condition. I was heartbroken I would visit him bi-weekly he never remembered me I was always Lilly ( My Mum) who by then had died from alcohol and I would remind him who I was till I could not stand to watch his heart break every time I explained she had gone. We had him for an extra thirteen years because of the home, but it was not my supersmart, funny dad he was a shell of himself, he was huge because of the medication and the food he ate because he was not drinking he died in 2009 of throat cancer probably got by the small smoking room being filled to the rafters and no ventilation. About a week before he died I visited him and as I left he grabbed me “I love you and I am so Very proud of you SANDRA!” he remembered me There and then I knew I was going to lose him soon he had never told me he loved me in my life and he did three days later he died. That was fifteen years ago and not one day goes by without me crying and missing him, I feel so guilty stupidly I know but what could I have done to save him and my mum who is a whole other story! They missed so much, me getting married,my girls graduating school and university, them getting married it breaks my heart Alcohol is a killer and thank god we know that today back then no one warned you, no one explained I am so happy that young people have this site I had no one to talk too and it has left me with so many issues that I developed because of the alcohol, their deaths my mums really early at 52 thankfully Alcohol is not one of them, I like a drink now and then and I refuse to allow my parents dependencies to stop that but I am aware I could quite easily be them so I am so careful.
Thank you guys for reading and for this site if it only shows that you are not alone believe me that is such a gift
Good luck to you all
Sandee xxx