How Should I Approach Having My Father Choose Alcohol Over Our Family.
We recently reached a breaking point with my alcoholic father.
Sadly, alongside some other frankly unforgivable information, he chose drink over me, my mum and my sister. He’s always had a stressful job, and my Grandma losing a battle with Dementia this year; I had a lot of hope that we’d found the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, I think I never knew the man. Many excuses revolved around things I thought worked or being busy (works away) to avoid my calls, or when I wanted to see him – but it was either drink or girls. For the first week, I kind of felt like this hadn’t hurt me. But I’ve tried for so long now. He said that we neglected him.
I’ve spent the past five hours reading over my text, trying to spark a conversation (before everything) and realising I was trying hard only to get ‘Ok xx’ as a reply. Why wasn’t I worth the battle, not even my mum after 28 years of being married. I understand that being an alcohol-dependent person that something else takes over… but not your kids?
In this week-long bender, I’ve only had one phone call from him, but it was whilst he was ringing all his friends to tell them he’d finally walked away. Honestly, I was just angry and didn’t want to speak. But that was the only time in three weeks he’d tried. I think I’m past trying. But, moving forward, would that just anger him? Even after trying for so long, I’ve ended up just blocking him on everything.
The following steps are the ones I’m scared of the most. Am I doing the right thing by not dealing with my emotions?
Hi Bubbles
I’m sorry that this is happening. Your dad’s drinking means he is unable to be there for you which is very hard for children, no matter what their age, to deal with.
Some people who drink too much see alcohol as the solution to their problems. The need to drink can take priority over everything and everyone else, including those they love. It is quite normal for them to blame other people or problems in their life for their drinking. Regardless of what is said, it is important for you to realise that you are not responsible for your dad’s drinking and it is not your fault.
Distancing yourself can be a good thing if it gives you some space to work out your feelings. When you’re ready, it is a good idea to seek help to deal with your emotions as bottling them up can make them stronger. When you are ready, our helpline is available if you want someone to talk to.
Take care
Hi,
Its sad you're experiencing these emotions. Try to understand alcoholism is not something you can control. You can support someone along the way to recovery, but at the end of the day its up to them to take the steps to receive the help they need. It is so sad for everyone involved, Substance misuse is a family disease, as in it effects everyone involved not just the substance abuser.
It is completely normal for them to blame everyone else or other things for their addiction, I have experience of this within my own childhood. It takes hold of their life and neglects everyone else involved.
Distancing yourself could be a good thing, however not bottling up your emotions. Reflection on the situations you have faced with your parent is a good way to piece together emotions and to support you in gaining a clear mind.
Our helplines are open if you wish to talk to someone.
I hope this helped.
take care