How to cope with aftermath
Okay so I’m a 19 year old turning 20 and this isn’t really about an issue I have with my alcoholic parent but more of the aftermath of my relationship with them.
Me and my mum had argued for years over her drinking as every weekend I’d see her and she was drunk (did not live with her) I’d bring it up and we would argue and I did this because no one was there to impose those boundaries and I wanted to help. Now it’s been nearly 4 years since we basically stopped talking (I only see her when my sibling is around). And this is because of how our relationship got so damaged through the constant arguing and how neither of us were changing. She essentially stopped making an effort or reaching out when I was 16 and since I’ve been struggling with any type of relationship as I can’t really stop thinking if I wasn’t enough for her or to even help her, not just an alcoholic but my mum. The person everyone is suppose to have backing them supposedly, how can I be enough really for anyone? It’s stupid I know but it’s the constant thought that if that person who is meant to care so deeply for you doesn’t want anything to do with you, how long is it till anyone realises you aren’t worth it either.
I’ve tried making up for my mistakes with my mum but ultimately I can’t now because of how bad I allowed it to become. Now I just want to get rid of this feeling but not sure how?