I’m exhausted but scared to cut contact

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anonymous123

I was adopted when I was very young and my adoptive dad is an alcoholic. My family sees the problem, including my mum who has told me numerous times how afraid she is of him as well. I have horrible memories of my childhood and was always so scared to come home after school. They have discussed divorce but it never goes through. It’s so frustrating because I’m an adult now and I still feel terrified to go home. I remember he would get drunk most nights, get very touchy, and shout horrible things. My mum would go out, leaving me alone with him, and then come home a few hours later acting like nothing had happened. I have tried talking to him about his drinking many times but nothing changes. I feel so let down and want to cut contact with him so badly. I’m so tired.

  • marble

    Hi anonymous123,

    Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with your adoptive dad and your difficult childhood memories. These early experiences can stick with us into later life as adult children of alcoholics.

    Nacoa has six Cs that I find useful when my dad's drinking upsets me:

    I didn’t cause it
    I can’t control it
    I can’t cure it
    I can take care of myself
    I can communicate my feelings
    I can make healthy choices

    Have you ever called the Nacoa Helpline? It might be useful to connect with one of their counsellors and share how you're feeling.

    Take care, and remember you're not alone.

  • listener

    Hi,

    I’m so sorry to read about the situation you are having to navigate at the moment and that you have been navigating for so long. I can hear how tiring the situation at home feels. You’ve done the right thing in reaching out.

    How was it writing this out to share on the message boards? You’re not alone. There are others here who understand.

    Cutting contact with a parent can feel a hard choice. Often at Nacoa we say there are no right or wrong ways to coping with a parent drinking so long as we are working with the six C’s and making choices that keep us healthy and safe. For some people that looks like cutting contact completely, for others it’s keeping contact within the boundaries they decide are necessary for them – it’s okay for your relationship with your dad to take the shape that you need. You matter in this.

    Do you have anyone you can talk things through with? Do remember that Nacoa is here for you and if you would like any one to one support, please don't hesitate to contact the helpline (helpline@nacoa.org.uk / 0800 358 3456).
    Listener

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