Me, my mum and her drinking

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_georgia

I’m new to this page.

I’m currently 19, my mum passed away when I was 10 years old after a long battle with being an alcoholic.

I’ve spent my teen years angry at her for choosing alcohol over her family and our future. I had to experience some big life events without my mum by my side, which only made it worse. However I have come to terms with the fact I need to learn more about alcoholics and the struggle they face which causes them to turn to alcohol as a coping mechanism.

She was a lovely woman when she was good but as I have gotten older my few fond memories have started to disappear and now all I can really reflect on are the negative ones. If anyone has any stories or tips they’d like to share in order to help me empathise with the feeling my mum was plagued with and help strengthen my understanding of alcoholics please do.

Thank you,
G x

  • listener

    Hi G,

    First I would just like to say how brave it is to post your concerns on here, I understand how hard it can be.

    Alcoholism is an illness which can affect anyone. You are right that people who have an addiction to alcohol do use it as a coping mechanism. You must remember this is not your fault, and you are not alone.

    Talking about your experiences, thoughts and feelings will help you feel less alone, so I am happy to see you have taken this first step. Its also ok to feel the way you do. You are still bereaving your mum, whilst trying to educate yourself on why this has happened, which is such a strong thing to do. I do want to emphasise that this is not your fault.

    I do hope the experiences on this message board will help you come to terms with what you have experienced. If you would like anymore support or information, please do not hesitate to contact us, we are hear for you.

    Kind regards,

    Listener

    • _georgia

      Thank you for your advice and comforting words.
      You're right that talking about my thoughts does help, its something I've become a lot more open to as I have gotten older.
      I really appreciate your help :)

      G x

  • williamste

    Hi _georgia,

    Thanks for posting on here. I am so sorry to hear about your situation.

    My Mum, who's an alcoholic, is still alive but I entirely sympathise with your predicament. I am pretty much constantly torn between being angry at her for prioritising drinking over her own wellbeing and the relationships she has with me and the rest of the family and feeling deeply sorry for her considering she has been engulfed by this terrible illness. So the first thing to make clear is that you're not alone in feeling this way. Far from it.

    I'm still figuring out how to deal with this emotional conundrum, so I really don't have any easy answers. However, I think it's important try to separate the memories of your 'alcoholic mum' from your 'real mum' and focus on the latter. This isn't easy I know, but simple things like keeping photographs of the good times or reminding yourself of what a lovely woman she was by reminiscing with friends and family might help.

    This, combined with learning a bit more about the nature of alcoholism - which is a great idea and one that I am going to take up - will hopefully help you find some semblance of peace.

    It's good that you fully appreciate the impact that your Mum's drinking has had on you, even now that she has sadly passed away. Not everyone does - I certainly didn't at your age. Make sure that you don't lose sight of this and look after yourself - for example by speaking to someone via the Nacoa helpline. This will also no doubt help you to start to deal with some of the challenges you mention above too.

    Best of luck - and thank you again for posting here.

    • _georgia

      I'm sorry to hear about your mum, I hope this website brings you comfort and a sense of fulfilment knowing you aren't alone also. It's comforting to know someone is in the same boat as me and stuck in a predicament about how to respond to the situation you are faced with.
      I wish you the best of luck and I hope we both have a positive growth journey with this path in life.

      G x

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