Recovering alcoholic left
This is a bit of a different one but alcoholic father did good and is in recovery coming up 2 years. We endured the years of his alcohol and stayed close by and supported into recovery. But he was so into his recovery he forgot about us who were there all along. He left the family home young children and us and lives his life 10000% through his recovery and his A.A meetings. And his 12 step. Is this normal does the selfish addict stay within but in a different format ?
Hi,
I’m glad you’ve reached out here on the message board. This sounds so difficult for you. It’s really hard to say what’s ‘normal’ or not in a person’s recovery as recovery can take so many different shapes. It is a huge transition for the person drinking and, like any life transition, can completely shift the way they interact with the world.
It is normal to not necessarily feel positive about the way a person behaves when they’re in recovery. Sometimes we can forget that it isn’t always alcohol alone that made our relationship with the person difficult, there may be behaviours underneath that need addressed or changed to have a healthy relationship. I wonder if you might find some of Josh Connolly’s (an ambassador for Nacoa) videos helpful. He talks a lot about healing from difficult and toxic family relationships. There are some short videos on his instagram @josh_ffw or longer ones on his youtube www.youtube.com/c/JoshConnolly_FFW .
One important message is that the person’s recovery doesn’t have to be intwined with our own. Your feelings in this matter, they’re important, and they deserve to be heard and felt. Do you have a support network at the moment? People you can talk to, honestly, about how this feels?
I hope you can find some space on the message board with others who understand. You can always contact Nacoa’s helpline, as well, through calls and emails. Do remember that you aren't alone.
With best wishes,
Listener