So tired

Replies
3
Voices
4
Freshness
Followers

0

bagpuss77

I am really struggling. My mum has been an alcoholic all my life, I’m 45 now. It is emotionally draining and in the last 18 months I have limited how much I see her. She is still drinking badly, very emotionally abusive and manipulative and I feel I cant take it any more. I know she is sick and its a disease but I feel like I cant be there for her any more. I am literally exhausted thinking about it all, it’s like a never ending roller coaster that never changes. I feel really angry at her too and just want to block it all out – I feel like a terrible person for not being there.

  • listener

    Hi bagpuss77,

    I am sorry to hear about your mums drinking. It is understandable that you feel angry at your mum and have needed to limit your time with her. I understand that ignoring or detaching from her leaves you feeling like a terrible person but it is important that you look after yourself, as your life is the only one you can change. Have you been able to speak to anyone to have these discussions with, such as a close friend, family member, or GP? Sharing your feelings with someone is not being disloyal and can help you to feel less alone.

    Something I also think could be useful for you to think about is something that we call the 6C’s.
    • I didn’t cause it
    • I can’t cure it
    • I can’t control it
    • I can take care of myself
    • I can communicate my feelings
    • I can make healthy choices

    You are welcome to contact Nacoa if you need to talk more, or have any questions.

    Kind regards,

    Listener.

  • ashbash

    Hi there
    I am sorry to hear about your situation bagpus. That is a long time to live with an alcoholic parent. Of course you will love your mum, but it is okay for your to pull back if you need to . Your health is important and we don’t have to put up with abusive behaviour just because it is coming from a parent or family member. Your feelings are normal and this is not your fault. Thinking of you. Ashbash

  • onthemerrygoroundagain

    You can't be there for someone else unless you feel strong enough.
    I don't know if your mother has accepted her problem or not but I now tell my father I can't be there for him when he's being particularly bad. I started having mental health issues and needed the space to take care of myself and my family.
    There is nothing we can do as COAs to change the situation and sometimes stepping away to get space is the right and necessary thing to do despite any guilt we feel.
    You aren't alone but do take a break before it becomes too much x

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Reflection of my youth
    You may have influenced me to believe I'm inherently wrong. There's a whole lot of shame being carried that never belonged to me. You took…
  • At my wits end
    My mum is in her early 60s and has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. She has been to rehab twice and started drinking…
  • Unsure what to do next
    Hi. Read a few messages and it is reassuring to hear people with similar feelings but it still doesn't feel good. My dad is going…
  • My dad died of alcoholism
    Hey there, My dad died mid-2023 as a result of alcohol poisoning. He was in his late 50s and had struggled with parts of himself…
  • Alcoholic dad
    I have a father who has been drinking alcohol ever since I can remeber. He is in his 50’s and it’s getting worse and worse…

Recent replies

  • If you're feeling lost about how to help her, seeking guidance from professionals or looking into detox center near me might offer some support and…
    wisether on At my wits end
  • Hi, I'm glad you have found some space to speak here. How did it feel to write some of this out and share it? Those…
    listener on At my wits end
  • Hi, Thank you for sharing these reflections. They’re important and I’m sure that they will touch others that come across your post. You are right,…
    listener on Reflection of my youth
  • Hey! I have an alcoholic mother, for as long as I can remember, she has drank been abusive and neglected us I’m an adult now,…
    pa on Unsure what to do next
  • Hey! You are not alone with this, My mother is an alcoholic for as long as I can remember too, she is very unwell now…
    pa on At my wits end

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.