Hi I’ve never really been one to open up about my mum and her drinking but earlier this year i reached my breaking point and i told but my mum doesn’t want to get help and that absolutely kills me every single day my mum started drinking when i was about 4 but it got really bad when i was around 11 im going to be 17 next year i honestly feel so bad because in the morning she is the best version of herself and the best mother to me possible but she starts drinking at 11 am and by 4pm i don’t even recognise my own mother and it kills me i feel absolutely terrible for loving her but i do!!! she’s put me through hell mentally and she still defends her actions i honestly do feel like a lost puppy because part of me wants to constantly be by her side making sure she’s okay but then the other half of me wants to work hard in college and make a life for myself so i can move out so i can get my dream job as a midwife so i can make my own family i feel so conflicted and even the thought of knowing that alcohol is going to kill my mum kills me every time its always me wondering how long until she goes will it be sudden or will i have warning ? i want my mum back the mum i see every morning not the mum i see when she’s drunk the feeling that alcohol is going to kill my mum consumes me every single day.. is it genetic will i be like her will i be a mother like her