My Father passed when I was 7 years old. My mum turned to alcohol due to this and has been a functioning Alcoholic most of my life (im 35 now), me and my sister never really grieved our dad due to having to look after our mother.

My childhood was full of neglect, the house was unkept, no hot water, mould on the walls, whilst me and my sister washed our selves with a kettle and tried to look after each other. My mum got off the sofa once a day and that was to basically go by more alcohol.

I grew up thinking this was normal until I had children of my own and saw how different my wife treated the children, I saw how all my children had hot baths and love from their mother, I was 25 years old when I realised what my childhood was not right. I have been battling mental health issues since and depression.

I sought help when I was 27 so that I could understand this hole I had developed and how it had now started to effect me wanting to be a father to my own children.

I sought counciling for and discovered my “inner child”. I have face my child hood head on, and i have somewhat made peace with it. My relationship with all my children is incredible and I cherish every single bit about them.

I have the past 2 years decided to cut my mother from my life, I feel my mum has tormented me as a child and an adult. She has years of being “dry” but learned behaviour takes over and she is just as toxic sober as she is drunk.

I have a lot of resentment towards all the “Adults” of my childhood, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, all of them never interveened with two children experiencing neglect and seeing things they shouldn’t see,
I currently have no relationship when any any of my familyboutside of Wife, kids and sister, nieces due to this.

My mother turns turns 70 next year, I feel guilty for her loneliness even though she has caused this her self. I feel somtimes even though I am 35 that I just want a mother that I can talk to or unload, just like what I wanted when I was 7. I speak to my mum once a month now, and after every communication my cup feels drained, and im triggered. I live in fear somtimes that I will have wasted my whole life looking after my mum.

Thanks for letting me post this. Ive never written this stuff down before and just writing it has made me feel better.