Chaotic mum

Replies
1
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

0

nacoanewbie

Talking to my mum sometimes is lovely, she is intelligent and can be insightful and kind. She can be generous to a fault with people; they will sometimes walk all over her.

The doctor has diagnosed her as bipolar and she is an addict. She lives with my dad, also an addict.

Today I spoke to her and she was completely manic, talking over me non-stop and I kept saying ‘mum please listen’, she then demanded something from me this weekend saying she’s arranged it for me – an hour-long task, nothing too big – I can’t say as it’ll be obviously outing. But I said ‘mum don’t arrange things like that for me it’s not convenient, you need to ask me beforehand.’

Cue her swearing and shouting at me and me hanging up.

I love her, I don’t want to cut her out of my life and I won’t, but it’s just exhausting. I set boundaries, I’ve learned how to in therapy. But how on earth do I stop these interactions draining me? She’s like Jekyll and Hyde.

Does anybody have a similar situation and already figured out how to keep a relationship with their parents without it draining the life out of them when they are explosive and chaotic?

I’ll speak to my therapist about it next week but my husband is out and I’m feeling a bit depleted and lonely with it. I’m wondering if anyone can relate.

  • listener

    Hi there,

    I'm really sorry to hear all that you're going through with your parents, particularly your mum at the moment. It is so hard when someone you love so much behaves unpredictably - being loving and kind at times yet the complete opposite other times.

    It's really hard not letting these difficult episodes drain you, you're human and it's natural to feel this way. What do you normally do when you are feeling this way? Do you have anything you find particularly helpful? It can sometimes take a lot of exploring to find what coping mechanisms work for you.

    Some people find writing things down really helpful. Externalising everything that's going around in your mind onto paper can be cathartic, and give you a sense of relief. Talking is another way of externalising which can be really helpful. Please know that the Nacoa helpline is another support if you ever want to reach out by phone or email (0800 358 3456 / helpline@nacoa.org.uk).

    It's great that you have a therapist and that you've learned how to set boundaries - that is very difficult but very important. Finding the balance between keeping a relationship with your parent yet staying well isn't an easy thing. Please do be kind with yourself and know that it is natural to be affected by the situation in this way.

    I'm so pleased you're reaching out on here and hope you find other people's experiences helpful. You are not alone in this. Do keep reaching out whenever you need to.

    Take good care of yourself.

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Reflection of my youth
    You may have influenced me to believe I'm inherently wrong. There's a whole lot of shame being carried that never belonged to me. You took…
  • At my wits end
    My mum is in her early 60s and has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. She has been to rehab twice and started drinking…
  • Unsure what to do next
    Hi. Read a few messages and it is reassuring to hear people with similar feelings but it still doesn't feel good. My dad is going…
  • My dad died of alcoholism
    Hey there, My dad died mid-2023 as a result of alcohol poisoning. He was in his late 50s and had struggled with parts of himself…
  • Alcoholic dad
    I have a father who has been drinking alcohol ever since I can remeber. He is in his 50’s and it’s getting worse and worse…

Recent replies

  • If you're feeling lost about how to help her, seeking guidance from professionals or looking into detox center near me might offer some support and…
    wisether on At my wits end
  • Hi, I'm glad you have found some space to speak here. How did it feel to write some of this out and share it? Those…
    listener on At my wits end
  • Hi, Thank you for sharing these reflections. They’re important and I’m sure that they will touch others that come across your post. You are right,…
    listener on Reflection of my youth
  • Hey! I have an alcoholic mother, for as long as I can remember, she has drank been abusive and neglected us I’m an adult now,…
    pa on Unsure what to do next
  • Hey! You are not alone with this, My mother is an alcoholic for as long as I can remember too, she is very unwell now…
    pa on At my wits end

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.