Confusing my child




My family consist of my wife and 4.5 year old daughter. We stay with my 75 year old father. He takes care of us. However he is a chain smoker and an alcoholic.
Lately he has started telling our 4.5 daughter that once she is 5 she should sleep in his room. I cant have her sleep in his room as he can be heard drinking till late, smelly room, him talking loudly on the phone and not switching his lights off not until v late. But we cant tell our 4.5 year old that.
What should i do?

  • listener

    Hi abzi2021,

    It sounds like a really difficult position you're in; living with your wife, daughter and father who has an alcohol problem. Living with someone who has an addiction is very hard as it can sometimes feel you have no escape from it.

    I think setting your boundaries and rules is really important. Are you able to talk to your father about why you don't want your daughter sleeping in his room? It must be very hard if he is telling your daughter she can sleep there when you know this wouldn't be a good idea.

    It's sometimes hard navigating the conversation with a young child. Have you managed to talk to her about it, and ask how she feels about the situation?

    Take good care of yourself

    • abzi2021

      Thank you listener, your message and words really helped.
      No, I cant talk to my father.
      We were thinking when my daughter turns 5, and if she talks about sleeping with the grand dad we tell her grandad sleeps very late, with light & radio on. She needs to get rest to have fun at school. What do you think?

      • listener

        Hi abzi2021,

        I think that sounds like a good idea. You're right, it is really important that your daughter gets enough rest to be able to concentrate at school and have fun.

        Telling her that her grandfathers sleeps until late is a good way of protecting her whilst not having to explain too much about his drinking.

        Take care of yourself too.

        Warmest Wishes,


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