My mum is an alcoholic and I am her main point of contact for everything. With lockdown I have not been able to see her as much as I normally would but now things are opening up again I feel like I should be taking her out for the day and spending more time with her again.
The problem is, her drinking makes me depressed, she is grumpy, rude and just unpleasant to be around. When she is pleasant to be around it is short lived and the grumpy mum comes back out. I don’t enjoy her company and she is such hard work. I feel such a responsibility to help her have more of a social life and to be out and about alot more, she doesn’t drive anymore and doesn’t want to use public transport due to the virus and she also has COPD.
I feel such a guilt at not suggesting we go out for a walk or taking her to places we would have gone before. It’s like lockdown gave me a bit of freedom and space from her and her drinking because I have not been able to spend any time with her, but now I am being taken back into that world again.
I constantly think “I should take mum to x’ and then I see her and I think ‘I really dont want to do that’ and then the guilt kicks in that I shouldn’t feel like that about my mum and i should be helping her, despite her alchoholism.
Is anyone in a similar situation that can help?