Im 18 and in the past 3-4 years my mum has become reliant on drinking (always wine, then whatever she can get hold of after the wine is all gone). I don’t remember her drinking when i was younger although i do have a terrible memory so i can’t be sure. My mum is the closest person to me and my best friend, we get on really well but only when she is sober. I didn’t think she had a problem for a long time because i always thought it only counted if they drank 24/7, every morning and night. However my mum drinks every other night, sometimes she can go multiple nights in a row till 6 in the morning. I never thought much of it because she always gets up early and is generally really healthy other than the drink. If we are away on holiday or with family she also won’t drink as much. She can say hurtful things sometimes, i don’t want to count it as verbal abuse but it does upset me. It’s always things like “It’s your anxiety that stresses me out, no wonder i drink`’ which makes me feel guilty. She also tends to repeat the exact same things, it’s like she’s on auto pilot. Normally just swearing at me to leave her alone or go when i just walk in a room. I confide in her when i am upset and she is sober and she’s always supportive, then later on in the night when she’s drunk she just complains about how i go on about things or stress her out, i feel like i don’t help and contribute to why she drinks 🙁 I have had a conversation before with her where she did mention that when she was 12 she became reliant on alcohol. I don’t know everything but i know that majority of her childhood was happy, i think it’s a collection of things overtime. She was in the army and saw some upsetting things (no war zones but lots of poverty), she gave up quite abit for my dad so i think she regrets things. I love her so much but it is getting worse. My dad works alot and also likes abit of drink so it’s just difficult to say. The difference is that with my mum she will drink until she can’t stand , i’ve found her many times passed out and im worried one night she’ll have a fall or become ill if it carries on. I have said things when she’s drunk out of frustration and she just says “you’re far from perfect”. I don’t know what to do. I saw she downloaded an app to track her drinking and i was so happy but nothing has changed since i saw it. It’s awkward to talk to her i don’t know how, is there anyway i can reach out?. We have a small family and i cannot talk to friends as the pandemic has just made me even more distant. I struggle to bring friends or potential boyfriends round as everyone perceives us as happy and normal but i never know what my parents will be like, i feel so lonely. I know im 18 and could be more independent but i didn’t want to move out and go to uni because then my mum would probably drink even more. It sounds bad written out like this i didn’t realise till just now, i want to say we are mostly happy and so close which i thought would make it easier to talk but there’s this elephant in the room that no one talks about. Sorry it’s so long.