Feeling alone

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ladybird

I am the only one in my family who thinks it is a good idea to stay soba as much as possible, I feel really alone during holidays and on special occasions. I’m scared that when my child grows up she will start drinking and taking drugs and be like them as well. Nothing really bad happens but I just look round and they are all wasted. I’m just tired of having to think about it, now that I am 40, I still feel like the little girl woken up in the night by drunken rowing parents. I feel like there’s no point in me being here just bringing the darkness in and spoiling all the fun. I don’t know what my future will be, I’m just really scared I don’t want my child to be drunk as well. I’m tired of having the same old conversations with them, and being accused of being mad. I thought you guys might understand.

  • uniquemind

    Hi ladybird

    I am sorry you feel like you are alone at the moment in time. Although, It is important you are of a stable mindset within these situations and are also not taking the alcoholism route. I feel sometimes when people are in the situation, they cannot see their actions for what they really are and think the other person is in the wrong for questioning their actions. Although, someone can only help themselves and want to change for themselves before they take steps in changing their behaviour.

    It is clear the love you have for your child is significant. Although, the anxiety towards her future is normal. Although, If you are struggling to cope with the uncertainty and anxiousness of her future maybe a therapy based route will support you in overcoming this. Perhaps you could look at your community mental health team and go from there with therapy avenues.

    Hope this helps.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

    • ladybird

      Thank you for your reply. Although I have had problems in the past, Thankfully I manage to stay soba most of the time, but I do struggle with it when I am with certain people, or in certain situations but I don’t get reallly drunk anymore and I am pleased to say I have not had a hangover for many years now. I have been able to stick to minimal amounts of alcohol but I would prefer to be 100 percent soba because it feels safer. I think I have a lot of issues related to me trying not to drink any alcohol, and then ending up having one or two and the fear of loosing control over it because I don’t want to be like my mum and dad. I have been for therapy a few times and it has helped but I always go back to this mindset. I wish there were more people I knew who were also soba and not taking drugs, it’s like I can’t talk to anyone because they all drink a fair amount. It would be considered normal to most people but I just wish alcohol would disappear and not be a thing anymore. I would like to cut it out of my life but it’s part of their lives so I can’t.

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