In despair

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dolphin2021

My dad died few years ago from alcohol and COPD. My mother also has a drinking problem. Since losing her mum and dad due to covid and cancer she has got worse and worse. I never had the guts to move out and leave her and the everyday or every other day drinking became the norm. She screams and shouts all night long when I have work next day. She doesn’t want to even try to get a job again. She has already had one major accident drunk and broke her hip and elbow. I was constantly stressed, snappy and depressed. I have always been good at my job and I know longer can cope with any stress at work as it tips me off. I have had to leave multiple jobs now as I cannot cope. I have finally caved in and left my mum and moved aboard. I still feel guilty because I have family ringing me saying she cant talk on phone and slurring all the time. She doesn’t have anyone really. Its just so sad and I am at my wits end of it even aboard. Shes so indenial and makes out everyone is bullying her. Even neighbours are worried about her but she wont call a gp to get help. Shes getting old and doesnt eat much either. Im worried sick. I know shes an adult but its so hard and fed up of feeling depressed and sad because of it. Id just wish she would try to get help.

  • listener

    Hi there,

    I'm really sorry to hear all that's going on with your mother and how much loss you've experienced in your family. You've been through so much and I can only imagnine how hard it is for you.

    It's amazing that you managed to move out of the situation you were in. Living with someone who has an addiction and who is abusive is overwhelming and can impact every part of your life. It was a really brave thing to do as I appreciate it's not easy to take those steps. Thinking about your own wellbeing is so important.

    Moving out doesn't solve everything though and you're clearly still struggling now. It's understandable that you're feeling guilty as you're hearing how your mum is deteriorating. Try to keep in mind what you said in your post, that your mum is so in denial and that she won't get any help. There really is only so much you can do until she's willing to accept help. It's really hard to accept but you're doing nothing wrong by taking a step back.

    Do you have any support at the moment? Dealing with all of this alone is so isolating. Keep reaching out when you need to.

    Take good care of yourself.

    • uniquemind

      Hi

      Im sorry you're going through this. It is good that you managed to get out of the environment to benefit yourself and your well-being. Although, from my personal experience with parental alcoholism I do completely understand what you are going through. It is natural to feel guilty and want to help so much. But unfortunately, within substance misuse no matter how much you try to help that person they need to seek the help themselves. Which is the most heart breaking thing of all mentally in a child-parent relationship and also to watch.

      You shouldn't feel guilty for trying to live your life however it is a natural emotion which comes with attachment, love and empathy. It is so hard to accept that they have to help themselves and take the steps.

      Maybe speaking to friends and your family about it will help you with your mental health and the ability to accept the situation and try and move forward.

      Hope you are ok soon

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