My mum has been an alcoholic ever since I can remember, my earliest memory of her being drunk is around 5 years old, I’m now 27.
I’ve always known that my mum was different and that she would go on drinking binges every few months, but that was just mum, right? It wasn’t until I was a teenager when it really struck me that she was an alcoholic and that she had a problem. We’ve had so, so many incidents over the years as I imagine everyone has.
However, this last year has been the worst of my life. There was a period of 5 months when she was not sober for one day, she fell down the stairs and broke her arm and 3 ribs and was hospitalised. She got home from hospital, drank again, fell out of her bed and bust her eye open. She gradually got back on track (as she does) but I always know that after a few months, she will be drinking again. I linked all of this to the fact that I moved out and it was just her left at home, alone. There is massive guilt on my part and I struggle immensely between having to be there for her, and living my own life.
Of course these past few months, she has been drinking occasionally – not to the extent that I’ve been use to over the past year – but her usual pattern of drinking.
I’m at a point now where I feel that I HAVE to maintain the relationship to keep her alive, and that I have to speak to her everyday to ensure that she’s not lonely and doesn’t drink. In the past after her drinking binges, we’ve pretty much gone back to normal and the relationship (although always strained), it was ok. But recently, I’m not sure why, it is incredibly hard for me to be ‘normal’ with her? And I feel that the relationship is a chore and I can’t have a laugh and a joke with her.
I have never sought help for this but I feel that now my mindset is changing I may need to reach out for help and advise.
As previously said, I am incredibly torn and tired, so tired from having to deal with this for my entire life. I can’t see an end in sight, and it is getting me down