i am angry and feel guilty for being so angry
its my first time here. After reading some of the messages i feel like i am less alone.
I lost my mum to cancer 15 years ago.
My dad has always been a drinker. My mum said he will drink himself in to an early grave. And she’s right. He’s on a very fast slope.
Dad is 73 and a very heavy drinker. He coped ok when mum first passed away. Ringing me to say he’d washed the nets. Going weekly shopping and planning dinners. Popping to the club for a “few” at lunch time. It slowly escalated it to bottles of gin to wash the beer down.
Two weeks ago he had a fall at the club. Then another fall at home where he couldn’t get up. He laid on the floor for two days before the police smashed the door down. He was taken to A&E where they kept him for 5 days. (in theory, drying out)
He was then transferred to a ward and discharged after 2 days. The hospital arranged for carers to visit.
When i got to his flat, i could see he was far from coping. The carers were right to complain. So guess who’s been cleaning every spare moment i have?? His “friend” did some shopping for him. Well a box of beers and a loaf of bread!!
Am i wrong for feeling angry? My bestie said i need to concentrate on my own family. I have 3 big kids and a 2 year old grandson (who my dad has never met or asked about).
I know he chooses the drink over me, i have lived with that for years. But its so frustrating i suppose, that he’s not interested in the kids. I give up my time to help him and get nothing back in return. I could be spending my time with my grandson, helping my son out who appreciates my help.
I am also sad. Sad for what the drink has done. Sad because my dad isn’t there. I wish i could just switch off. Stop worrying.