Should I give my mum another chance?
Hi, I’m Mia, I’m 26 and my mum has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. She pretty much raised me and my brother as a single mother, because she and my Dad divorced, and he lived on the other side of the country and could only see us once every month, or even once every few months. He used to pay her child support when I was really young, but she would spend the money on wine, and so he ended up paying for our rent instead. Despite this, my mum would drink excessively nearly every day of the week and would have hangovers so bad I wasn’t allowed to wake her up for school in the morning. My older brother has severe ADHD, and so would act out all the time, either through aggression rebellion, or both. When he got to secondary school he would blatantly refuse to go to school. My mum would always blame her drinking on my brother or my dad, and would always say horrible things about both of them to me. I was only a child, and I was always terrified of her growing up. A lot of my childhood I can’t remember, as I’ve blocked it out as a trauma response.
In October 2019 I ran away from home and moved in with my dad in December 2019, where I currently live now. I’ve always tried to repair the relationship with my mum, and earlier this year I consistently visited her every two weeks, as she has been sober for months. Lately, she’s picked up her old habits, and for the past few weekends I’ve been there, she’s gotten drunk, aggressive, and nasty towards me and my brother, causing hour-long incidences of yelling and sometimes violence. Every morning after these incidences, she’s been extremely apologetic and has promised to change, but then does it again. Last weekend, it got so bad the police were called, and on Monday night when I was back home the social services called my dad.
Since then, my mum has been sending me all kinds of messages telling me she’s sorry, and that if I give her a chance she’ll be the mum I deserve. I love my mum, and although she’s done a lot of harm, there’s also a lot I’m thankful for that she’s done for me. I can’t bring myself to hate her, so it’s been extremely hard to lay boundaries down. Everyone around me is saying I shouldn’t see her for a while, maybe giving me several months before I do, or suggesting I should never visit her ever again.
I feel stuck in the middle, and one side of me is agreeing that I should never see her again, whilst the other side of me is telling me to give her another chance, and visit at the end of November if she keeps up a streak of sobriety.
I guess I’m just reaching out and wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and could maybe give me some advice.