I’m scared I’ll never be free

Replies
2
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

0

zeebee

I’m 27 now and my mum has been an alcoholic before I was born. She is currently homeless living in a family members spare room, with no ability to change her situation. Her drinking has led to a total personality change and serious physical deterioration. The hardest part has always been that I still love her. I feel terrified that I will never be able to live a normal and happy life whilst she is still alive, because the emotional weight I carry makes me feel so shameful, I feel I can’t form normal or healthy relationships. I feel so different to everyone else’s like I’m experiencing this a million miles away from even my closest friends. I feel so lost and defeated, and I just can’t see a way out.

  • listener

    Hi Zeebee,

    I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through and how you are feeling. It is so hard when you feel unable to live a normal and happy life because you're carrying an enormous weight on your shoulders.

    I want to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling different from everyone else, feeling a sense of shame, and feeling unable to develop healthy relationships. These are very common in people who have grown up with an alcoholic parent. Although that doesn't make those things any easier, I hope it helps you to feel that there is nothing inherently wrong with you - you're experiencing a normal response to this incredibly difficult situation.

    I wonder if it might help to connect with others who are going through similar. It's great that you're posting on these message boards and I hope that helps. You might also find it useful to read through some of the personal experiences on the Nacoa website: https://nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/for-adults/experiences/

    Another thing that might help with that feeling of isolation is going to a support group where you could meet others who are experiencing similar things. If you want any information of that, you could always contact the Nacoa helpline (helpline@nacoa.org.uk / 0800 358 3456) and they could give you any information and support you in any way possible.

    Take very good care of yourself,
    Listener

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Like a ton of bricks
    Hey everyone, I'm around the five month mark of no contact with my mum. All week I've felt so tearful and exhausted on the brink…
  • Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?
    So me and my brother have supported my mother since we were teenagers and things have gotten progressively worse. Over time she has become recluse…
  • Boundaries – why is it so hard !
    Hi everyone, This last week following mother's day I realised that I just couldn't watch my mum get drunk anymore and sadly I don't think…
  • Limerance caused by my mum’s drinking
    Hey , I hope this is allowed as it is related to the effect my alcoholic mum has had on me. One of my colleagues…
  • The wider impact
    As I’m sure many do I feel like I’ve come here for a serious offload. My dad has been an alcoholic for most of my…

Recent replies

  • Hi katy996, I'm really sorry to hear that you were let down by your colleague. You were incredibly brave to reach out to him in…
    listener on Like a ton of bricks
  • I just want to say well done for your bravery and strength in getting to 5 months no contact, this must be so hard and…
    butterfly583 on Like a ton of bricks
  • Hi there, Thank you for sharing what's going on for you at the moment. It's always difficult making decisions like this, but you need to…
    marble on Like a ton of bricks
  • Cutting ties with a parent is never a decision made lightly. It’s something that takes immense courage, especially when it’s about reclaiming your peace and…
    sparklecoordinator on Boundaries – why is it so hard !
  • She hasnt worked for a long long time. She does own her home and obviously ideally its pretty tragic to have to sell to pay…
    mmkl on Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.