I’m scared I’ll never be free

Replies
2
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

0

zeebee

I’m 27 now and my mum has been an alcoholic before I was born. She is currently homeless living in a family members spare room, with no ability to change her situation. Her drinking has led to a total personality change and serious physical deterioration. The hardest part has always been that I still love her. I feel terrified that I will never be able to live a normal and happy life whilst she is still alive, because the emotional weight I carry makes me feel so shameful, I feel I can’t form normal or healthy relationships. I feel so different to everyone else’s like I’m experiencing this a million miles away from even my closest friends. I feel so lost and defeated, and I just can’t see a way out.

  • listener

    Hi Zeebee,

    I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through and how you are feeling. It is so hard when you feel unable to live a normal and happy life because you're carrying an enormous weight on your shoulders.

    I want to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling different from everyone else, feeling a sense of shame, and feeling unable to develop healthy relationships. These are very common in people who have grown up with an alcoholic parent. Although that doesn't make those things any easier, I hope it helps you to feel that there is nothing inherently wrong with you - you're experiencing a normal response to this incredibly difficult situation.

    I wonder if it might help to connect with others who are going through similar. It's great that you're posting on these message boards and I hope that helps. You might also find it useful to read through some of the personal experiences on the Nacoa website: https://nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/for-adults/experiences/

    Another thing that might help with that feeling of isolation is going to a support group where you could meet others who are experiencing similar things. If you want any information of that, you could always contact the Nacoa helpline (helpline@nacoa.org.uk / 0800 358 3456) and they could give you any information and support you in any way possible.

    Take very good care of yourself,
    Listener

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Letter to my mum, I hope someone can relate to feel better
    Dear mum, First, I love you. It's Thursday evening, just before Christmas, and I am sitting here alone on the sofa staring at the Christmas…
  • Guilt
    I have lost both my parents to alcohol, my dad was a drinker for as long as I can remember, but when we lived in…
  • Age is only a number
    I'm a single child now 48yrs old. Both my parents have died. My mum at 18 and my dad in 2023. They were both alcoholics.…
  • Love
    Dear whoever- void What do I lack to live a life desperate, silent Longing to be loved. Feeling like my default is broken, the structure…
  • Coping with grief
    Hi everyone, My alcoholic dad passed away 3 weeks ago. He had been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. As a child…

Recent replies

  • My mum was an alcoholic. Later on we suspected some underline reason. Never could it be proved. When mum did go to get help she…
    violet1242 on My moms ruining my life
  • Thank you for sharing these words and expressing your feelings in a beautiful way. I too find it helpful to write my thoughts and feelings…
    elisastar on Love
  • I’m so glad you came here to share your feelings. It’s relatable to me as I felt I had such a complicated relationship with my…
    here2help on Coping with grief
  • Thank you for sharing this, it resonates with me. Take good care of yourself.
    here2help on Love
  • This really resonates with me too. My dad died 25 years ago, I was a teenager, and I still miss him so much. Over those…
    venkman on My Dad

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.