Is giving hope to my children the right thing?

Replies
1
Voices
2
Freshness
Followers

0

jaciecooke7778@gmail.com

Hello
I am struggling with which path to support my children 11 and 8, their father an alcoholic who does not live with us.
My son has recently become quite militant that no one should bad mouth his father, even when he’s hurting him emotionally.
I keep being told that I should encourage them to have hope and that it won’t always be like this. But I don’t think that’s realistic as their father is not anywhere near ready to change, and even tells me he intends to drink til it kills him:
What advice do people have for the children of drinkers in this phase? I don’t want to hurt my sons feelings but also want to acknowledge my daughter who feels really let down and exhausted by it all.
Many thanks and thoughts with everyone in this same or similar boat xxx

  • listener

    Hello,

    I'm so sorry to hear how much your children are struggling with their father's drinking. The feelings they are both experiencing are totally natural and valid. You're not alone in not knowing how best to help them - so many parents struggle with this. Remember that you're helping them so much by being a reliable, caring parent and it's only natural for you to struggle with this.

    Nacoa suggests being as open and honest as possible with children. It's understandable that your son doesn't want anyone bad mouthing his father, but being open about what's going on can be done in a way that isn't 'bad mouthing' him. The following links might help you feel prepared for those conversations -

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Information-for-Parents.pdf

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Jaspers-Wish.pdf

    >https://nacoa.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/Some-mums-and-dads-drink-too-much.pdf

    Hopefully they can be used as a guide, but of course you know your children best and you will know what's most appropriate for each of them.

    I hope you also have support for yourself. It's an incredibly hard situation to navigate and you are important too.

    Take care,
    Listener x

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Feeling hopeless and angry
    Think like many others, I’ve come here for a bit of an offload. My mum was hospitalised last night from falling down the stairs drunk…
  • Hello, glad to meet you…
    Hi everyone, I just wanted to take the time to introduce myself to this wonderful group. I am a man in my early 30s who…
  • Exasperated Son
    Hi, not sure where to start and thinking I’ll need 1000+ pages to convey all that’s going on and how it’s making me feel. I’m…
  • Father starting to recover but it’s not enough
    My father has been an alcoholic most of my life and is finally starting to attempt recovery, but it feels like too little too late.…
  • Explaining alcoholism to children
    Hi there, I have a 5 year old and a 3.5 year old. Their dad is an alcoholic and is not in contact. I have…

Recent replies

  • Hi welcome you have come to the right place to offload, these message boards are full of kind, helpful, understanding people who know what you…
    listener on Feeling hopeless and angry
  • I am so sorry that your Mum is making herself so unwell and having awful shocking accidents. It's a lot for you and your dad…
    catswithbells on Feeling hopeless and angry
  • Hi, and thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear of how long you have been struggling. I’m also so glad that…
    listener on Hello, glad to meet you…
  • Great to have you with us. We can all identify with the pain and long term scars that having an alcoholic parent brings. I hope…
    catswithbells on Hello, glad to meet you…
  • Welcome to the Nacoa family. Once your in you will never leave. Nacoa are super special for people like us. Well done on the work…
    sparklecoordinator on Hello, glad to meet you…

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.