My mum passed away last Tuesday. She was 55. She has alcohol-induced fatty liver which caused a heart arrhythmia.
She had been an alcoholic since before I was born. I am 31. I am an only child and she was a single parent.
Last year she went through rehab treatment and during this process, I was asked to write a letter to my mum discussing how her drinking had affected me.
My mum felt very guilty for events from the past which often led her to drink. I brought many of these memories up, some of which she didn’t remember. I said that I had felt so many emotions over the years that I don’t feel anything about her being in rehab.
Once she left rehab she began drinking heavily and almost relentlessly.
My mum’s funeral is on Thursday my emotions are all over the place.
At the moment I feel guilty for writing the letter. I feel guilty for not being supportive of her journey. I had been let down so many times before that this attempt didn’t feel any different. Maybe I was wrong and mum felt this was her last chance and I didn’t support her.
I am sorry that this may seem like a muddled mess of rambling. I am writing my mum’s eulogy, came across the letter from last year and needed to write this down. I feel guilty and I feel I could have done more to help in the last year.