parent doing the 12 steps

Replies
3
Voices
4
Freshness
Followers

0

alonenowsober

my dad has been doing his 12 steps he over a year sober and 6 months ago just upped and left stating he needs to be alone to just focus on him it was devestating i was weeks from my gcse exams had to move house everything id ever know since a child was gone. everytime we talked he has no real acceptance for the devestation his selfish sobirity caused let alone what the drinking caused

i have looked at the 12 steps and learnt some stuff and really held on to when he reached step 9 he would be in a place to really aknoledge the pain he caused and take some accountabilty i now know im not going to get that as he is now on step 10 and just says his step 9 is living amends and him being sober is his accountability

im heart broken i wasnt on his list for step 8 ….. did he even write one ?

  • listener

    Hi alonenowsober,

    I'm so sorry to hear the devastation your dad's actions have caused you.

    The challenges that come with a parent's sobriety are not often spoken about, but they are definitely real. Your dad's failure to acknowledge the impact of his actions on you sounds incredibly frustrating; I can understand why you're feeling heartbroken. Your feelings are totally valid.

    Have you got any support around you at the moment? Is there anything that helps you to cope with how you're feeling?

    I'm so glad you're reaching out on these message boards. I hope externalising this helps in some way.

    Take good care,
    Listener

    • pearl

      Wow this sounds really tricky…. So proud that you are able to voice it here. Such a complex situation for you and really shows how addiction is an ongoing journey for loved ones even after sobriety. I’m so sorry that you are left feeling this way and hope that by talking about it you know you are not alone and that the NACOA 6 Cs still apply.
      😊

  • ashbash

    Hey alonenowsober that sounds really difficult and I can understand your feelings of hurt. Unfortunately we cannot control the actions of others, only our own so please take care of yourself as moving and GCSEs is a lot of stress on its own. Please take care of yourself. I hope You have someone to talk to and the NACOA helpline is always here for you too.

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Like a ton of bricks
    Hey everyone, I'm around the five month mark of no contact with my mum. All week I've felt so tearful and exhausted on the brink…
  • Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?
    So me and my brother have supported my mother since we were teenagers and things have gotten progressively worse. Over time she has become recluse…
  • Boundaries – why is it so hard !
    Hi everyone, This last week following mother's day I realised that I just couldn't watch my mum get drunk anymore and sadly I don't think…
  • Limerance caused by my mum’s drinking
    Hey , I hope this is allowed as it is related to the effect my alcoholic mum has had on me. One of my colleagues…
  • The wider impact
    As I’m sure many do I feel like I’ve come here for a serious offload. My dad has been an alcoholic for most of my…

Recent replies

  • Hi katy996, I'm really sorry to hear that you were let down by your colleague. You were incredibly brave to reach out to him in…
    listener on Like a ton of bricks
  • I just want to say well done for your bravery and strength in getting to 5 months no contact, this must be so hard and…
    butterfly583 on Like a ton of bricks
  • Hi there, Thank you for sharing what's going on for you at the moment. It's always difficult making decisions like this, but you need to…
    marble on Like a ton of bricks
  • Cutting ties with a parent is never a decision made lightly. It’s something that takes immense courage, especially when it’s about reclaiming your peace and…
    sparklecoordinator on Boundaries – why is it so hard !
  • She hasnt worked for a long long time. She does own her home and obviously ideally its pretty tragic to have to sell to pay…
    mmkl on Any thoughts on what to do when your parents get old?

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.