Poem I wrote… Father’s Day 2020
Once upon a time
Once upon a time I had a father
Another story you may rather
This one is for those who have lived through
A parent that you wish you knew
Let’s start before the beginning
When in life he thought he was winning
He was strong, fun and wild
A perfect soul mate she thought to create a child
This man was full of jokes and laughter
But this doesn’t lead to a happily ever after
For his family, peter pan needs to grow,
But something inside him wont make him let go
Of the free spirit that will not be tamed
And behind him a family feeling shamed
For all that see him tell of his wonder
But the family who fail to know him are full of ponder
Artistic, spontaneous, full of knowledge of nature
But no prioritise of the children and their mother.
Give all away with generosity
whilst your family lives in poverty
Grand gestures to anyone on the outside
But Behind closed doors they are only lied
Detachment passes through like genetics
Feeling sorry for him, it’s so complex like politics
Feeling sorry for ourselves as we scramble to make sense
Constantly over analysing wanting to make amends
Unreachable and in the distance the love is
The only problem to fix is his
But you can not help someone so deep
We just have to ensure we don’t repeat
The pattern that leaves the children empty
Confused, emotionally abused and grieving
Waiting by the window but with only half a hope
For each time it could be him, no show or the drunken bloke
Only ever gentle, never gets mad,
but zero responsibility
Which for children is very sad
No boundaries, example or reliability
Just who knows, we will have to wait and see.
Going to spend time only to be left alone
Not even contactable by the phone
No milk or sugar for you cereal again
Left just the 3 of you to fend
Grow up fast and learn quick
Looking back it makes me sick
To see the small children putting on their smiles
With love to share in heaps and piles
Lucky to have such a strong mother
But all were left and had to suffer
Too much stress and strain and drama
All we wished for a life much calmer.
So grateful when your friends dads step in
They take you by the hand
They show you stability, guidance and example of a man.
Holidays, a haven and family time
It really did feel like mine
The dream of a family unit
Knowing one day you will sit
With your own family which you would never let down
Nor your sorrows would you drink and drown
For any trauma must come to the surface
Even the grief for those you dearly miss
Don’t open the can of worms they say
But these deep feelings don’t go away
They hide and disguise you everyday
And stop you loving in every way
And as you grow into a adult that child that was emotionally abandoned doesn’t
It feels the confusion and the neglect
It also feels like its duty is to protect
For something that was once upon a time maybe there
But being in the present there seems no care
The bottle will always come first
And for us we must come second to the thirst
Loving him from a distance
Taking responsibility for your own existence
The resilience is a blessing yet exhausting
And we hope that this ongoing haunting
That we will one day not feel this dark cloud
And for what we pass on to our own we can be proud
Break the cycle and accept the fact
That once upon a time I had a dad
Thank you so much for sharing this poem.
You have so perfectly captured what it is like growing up with an alcoholic parent - the two sides to a person and how the reality is very different from what it looks like to the outside world, the longing for a reliable parent and the lasting impact this experience leaves.
I really hope that writing this helped you in some way. I know reading it will help others, so thank you again for sharing <3
Take good care,
Listener