Elderly Alcoholic Parent
My mum is now in her ealry 70’s, I am in my early Growing up with a younger sibling in a single parent household- my mum was a functioning alcoholic.
Since she retired she’s had numerous alcohol related accidents – broken bones, black eyes, bumps on her head etc. The most serious accident happened in December 2022 where her ankle was so badly broken she was bedbound for 6 months and needed carers x3 daily. She initially asked me and my sibling to buy her drink when she out of hospital recovering which led to a massive showdown, so she said she’d stop and wouldnt seek any other help. She moved to sheltered accommodation in January this year and is settling well. She has very limited mobility due to the accident and other health issues. However we’ve just found out she’s been going to the local shop and buying wine becasue shes ‘bored’. We could tell by the tone of some text messages in the last week or so.
I’m devastated and don’t know what to do.
It’s inevitable she will have another accident, I’m not sure I can cope with it all again after so many years of this. I have my own fragile mental health to think of as well as looking after my own family. Please help if anyone has been in a similar situation.
Hi Lizzym,
Thank you so much for sharing parts of your story here. It can take a huge amount of courage to do so. I really hope you can hear from others here. You’re not alone, truly.
I can hear how devastated you are and it’s understandable to feel you don’t know what to do next. It sounds overwhelming to be thinking about another accident and how much responsibility it sounds is on your shoulders and has been for a very long time. Is there anyone at your mums sheltered living you could speak with?
If you feel mum is unable to look after herself at the moment it may be that your local social services can offer some support too.
We often talk about something called the six C’s at Nacoa, perhaps you have already heard of them?
I didn’t cause it.
I can’t control it.
I can’t cure it.
I can take care of myself.
I can make healthy choices.
I can communicate my feelings.
You mentioned your own mental health, it’s important you have support through this. You matter in this. What’s your support network like at the moment?
You can always contact Nacoa’s helpline, through a call or email. They will listen, never judge and do their best to support you through the challenging terrain you are currently having to navigate. The helpline is open 10am to 7pm Monday to Saturday. You can email helpline@nacoa.org.uk or call 0800 358 3456.
Kindest Wishes,
Listener
Hi there,
I’m so sorry for all you are going through.
It’s that ‘inevitable’ you talk about which is so incredibly haunting. It’s so tough when it’s out of our control.
The devastation you feel is completely warranted and understandable. I hope by discussing it here you feel some kind of relief or at least to realise you are not alone.
You are right that you must focus and your own mental health, that’s something you can control, how you look after yourself.
If you can create an imaginary protective bubble around you and your family and remember that if/when any further accidents occur they are not your fault, they are out of your control.
I hope feel you can reach out here again and also there is the helpline to call if you need a chat.
Sending healing your way