Seeing The Full Story

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halli be happy

My dad has been an alcoholic ever since before I was born and me and my siblings grew up to my parents constantly fighting my dad would say some pretty horrible things to each of us and for the longest time I thought everything was my dads fault and that my mom was a saint and I hated him to my very core because I would see all these other families where there dad hugged them and showed how much they loved them while I thought my dad was this evil man that would mostly look at me and my little brother with this resentment and I thought he hated us but after seeing past my anger and hatred I got to see the full story I learned about my dads rough childhood and that my mom had also painted this picture that my dad was the bad guy even though she was also in the wrong… I love both my parents so much my dad is still an alcoholic and surprisingly my mom and dad are still together but I’m pretty sure it’s because they are scared to be alone at the age of 60. Not to long ago I came to find out why my dad would look at me and my brother with resentment when we were little,on Fourth of July this year I was at my parents house me and my (wasted) dad were the only ones there and I just kind of listened to his drunken babbling when he randomly said “ you and your brother should thank your mom for your lives” and I asked him what he meant and he went on to tell me that after my two older sisters were born he told my mom that he didn’t want anymore kids but that my mom lied about being on birth control and I guess even ignoring my dads constant reminders of him not wanting anymore kids she still fully intended to have more. And the sad thing is I believe him my mom is the nicest person you will ever meet but she has her faults and secretes that I’ve been recently finding them out. I felt so guilty for my dad having to provide for all of us I know he has some mental health problems from his past and I honestly don’t think he should of had kids and it breaks my heart to know that he continued to stay and work to provide for us even when he was so unhappy for half of his life even though he is at fault for the way he treated us and I still hold some grudges I can’t thank him enough for going through what he did to provide for us I know that he loves us but it’s just like I said he shouldn’t of had kids and I’m fully aware he somewhat regrets it

  • helpinghands00

    I am sorry to read your life experience, it sounds like you know that none of this is your fault yet what a burden you have had and carry now.

    It’s good to read that you are learning to see past your anger and hatred and I hope that you can continue to think about putting yourself first, because you are so really important too.

    I know that these are difficult times but I hope you can forge ahead and try to think about putting your energies into things which you can do for you because it sounds like you’ve been coping with doing a lot for others.

    Take up new hobbies (yes they may be on line and restrictive with the current climate but it’s not going to last forever) and remember that Nacoa is there for you too should you ever need it. Even if you don’t, it’s always nice to know that support is in the background isn’t it?

    Take care and be proud of how far you have come and remember that you are not alone.

    • fazza20

      Hi halli be happy

      Thank you so much for sharing your story, that must have been tough.

      As Helpinghands00 has said its really important that you acknowledge that this isn't your fault which it sounds like you have been doing which is great.

      Take care of yourself during this difficult period, it must have been a bit of a shock to hear what you did about your conception. Feelings of guilt can be very overwhelming and its important to have a self care plan or a safe space you can go to when feelings get too much.

      The message board here is a great place to start, but we also have a helpline which is open during lockdown and confidential. And thought-out all of this I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

    • uniquemind

      Hi

      I am so sorry you're experiencing this. It makes me feel sad of the emotions you are carrying back then and now. Always remember it is never your fault regarding your fathers drinking. Always remember you are never alone with what you are experiencing and there is many people who understand your household experiences with substance misuse.

      It is crucial to try and learn from the past, let go of anger and try and move forward with your life by putting you first. Personally growing up in an alcoholism household I felt this supported me into building a much healthier mindset and perceptive on situations and past bad experiences.

      Although, I know it is hard to let go of traumatic events but you should be so proud with how you're coping with everything.

      I hope you have a good year.

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