Was there anything better I could have done?
Hey, my mum is an alcoholic and has been for a long time, she and my dad got divorced and as much as they both claim it wasn’t due to her drinking I feel like it was. Anyways while I was younger I never really saw it as a problem but as I grew older I realised it was. I use to argue with her nearly every time I saw her because she use to drink so much and since I stopped talking to her around a year or two ago and now I feel like I’m a massive cause of her drinking.
This is because I feel like I’ve caused her so much pain by arguing with her so much and now stop seeing her that it drives her to drink because that’s what happens, when they feel sad they drink. So i feel guilty because I feel I’ve caused some of this and that by trying to help and trying to make her realise how much her drinking affects me, I just caused her more pain, leading to her drinking which then starts the cycle of me and her arguing again. I use to think by arguing with her it might make her realise that maybe she should stop, but I guess it didn’t work like that and just made her drink more.
Now i always have this constant guilt about it and I feel like an awful person because what if it was mainly me that lead her to drink and what if I made her feel like a failure of a mother, because as much as her drinking has impacted my school life, social life and home life, she tried to be a good mum and it isn’t her fault that she is an alcoholic.
Also was it selfish of me to stop seeing her just because it would make my life easier? Because I had been thinking about doing it for a while, but by the time I had done it I started wondering if it is my fault that she drink and if I was being selfish by no longer trying to help and just stopping seeing her.