Worried mother/grandmother

Replies
6
Voices
4
Freshness
Followers

0

suzi

My daughter – 40 – is the single parent of 4 year old. She is an alcoholic in denial. She ticks all the boxes. She has drank heavily for over 20 years. During much of this time she lived with her father whose drinking and gambling caused the end of our marriage. Their “home” was like a doss house, littered with empty booze bottles. My daughter drank throughout pregnancy, sleeping with her newborn and continues to do so. My grandson’s first trip to the pub was at 5 days old. This was winter time. Family members tried to help her, but my ex husband would always get in the way, saying she doesn’t really drink that much. I hoped things would change when18 months ago she was given social housing. I paid for her lovely new lovely home to be carpeted , fully furnished and all new appliances. I helped with child care (whilst she worked – in a pub as she refuses to work anywhere else). I helped with housework, gardening and took her on holidays only to again witness just how out of control her drinking was.. I did hope having a lovely new home would make her change, but it hasn’t. She drinks because she simply likes to drink. It started off socially and became a habit. Outside of pre-school, my grandsons life is spent either in the pub or at home where his mother drinks until she falls asleep. He pretty much fends for himself at home: finding food and drink, putting himself to bed. We had a big fall-out over her drinking and neglect of her son at Christmas. Now she has cut me off. I am so worried for my grandson. Do I get Social Services involved ??? Has anyone had experience of what they will actually do ? So worried my grandson could be taken into care.

  • listener

    Hello,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's drinking and the impact of this on her and your grandson. It must be incredibly worrying knowing how out of control her drinking is, and how your grandson is living. Being cut off from them now must be a huge concern.

    In terms of social services, I can't give specific advice or info on this but you might find it helpful to read the following page which explains what might happen if social services get involved in more depth: https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family

    This is another page which could give advice / information specific to grandparents: https://kinship.org.uk/for-kinship-carers/advice-and-support/

    I really hope this helps. Do you have any support around you at the moment? I hope you have people you can talk to and rely on for support; it's clearly a very hard time for you.

    Take care,
    Listener

    • suzi

      Thank you for taking time to reply, your advice and pointing me in the right direction. It is a very worrying time. As people have said on here, a big problem is when others are in denial too. Either they do not see it (because they are barely involved in her life) or bury their heads, making us troublemakers. I have had it said to me that my grandson is not my responsibility and I should leave her to it. I'm not going to take that chance. My hope is that with the intervention of Social Services it will encourage my daughter to get help and safeguard my grandson in the meantime. Thankfully I have the support of my wonderful husband.

      • listener

        You're very welcome.

        Denial in people who don't have the addiction can often be even more frustrating, because they should be able to see things clearer and behave rationally, so I appreciate why you're finding this aspect really hard.

        So glad you have a supportive husband, and I wish you well with whatever next steps you decide to take.

        Take care,
        Listener

      • webster

        Suzi you sound like a wonderful caring parent. My heart breaks that such a young child has a mother who is so ill. I think social services will help. You can't ignore it, you are the grandmother and therefore the.childs voice. I feel lucky to have been an older child of an alcoholic mother. Your daughter may need the time to heal and get help she deserves and needs.. an alcoholic is someone who suffers deeply but I do believe there is hope. While there is life, there is hope. Keep interfering (if that's what people want to call it) love is strong. Thinking of you xx

  • ashbash

    Hi Suzi

    This sounds like a really difficult situation for you to be in and from reading what you have said, you sound like you are such a loving mother and grand mother.

    As I can see someone else has mentioned, I cannot offer advice in regards to social services, but I can understand your concerns around your Grandsons safety. I am glad to hear that he has his pre school and can be cared for there too.

    I hope that you have someone you can speak with to support you, but remember that NACOA also has a helpline you can speak to. It must be really difficult for you at the moment if your daughter is not speaking with you or letting you see your grandson at the moment.

    Take care
    Ashbash

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Unspoken pain
    Going to see you and I'm scared what I will face, seeing you shrunken and in this state will cause too much pain. Almost feels…
  • Recovering alcoholic left
    This is a bit of a different one but alcoholic father did good and is in recovery coming up 2 years. We endured the years…
  • Drinking Culture and trauma
    In September, it'll be my work's annual company day, usually a day away with an overnight stay. I missed one year, the only year I…
  • My dad is choosing alcohol
    For context from the day i was born till i was 12 me and my dad were close then the pandemic hit and he took…
  • Still Haunted
    Hi I grew up with an alcoholic father from my earliest memory until I moved out aged 21. I am now 44 years old and…

Recent replies

  • Hi, I’m so sorry for the pain you’re currently experiencing, this sound so raw for you. Seeing the effects of alcoholism on our parents can…
    listener on Unspoken pain
  • It’s so hard seeing our parents struggle with this disease, and it sounds like you have already lost your mum to alcoholism, which is just…
    here2help on Unspoken pain
  • Hi, I’m glad you’ve reached out here on the message board. This sounds so difficult for you. It’s really hard to say what’s ‘normal’ or…
    listener on Recovering alcoholic left
  • It's nice to share it here were people can understand. Sometimes it does feel very isolating not having anyone who understands what this is like.…
    tm19x on Reflection of my youth
  • I know exactly what you mean about this social expectation to be surrounded by alcohol and what that’s like as someone who’s life has been…
    henryvipart2 on Drinking Culture and trauma

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.