I don’t know anymore
I have never been part of any support group, but I feel that my mums drinking is having such a detrimental affect on me I need to get some help.
I am 42 and have 10year old twin girls. My dad passed away 7 years ago and since then my mums issue with alcohol has taken on a life of its own.
I have found her so many times unconscious, vomiting blood. So many ambulances, the paramedics started to recognise her. She has been on life support numerous times. I have lost count of the times we never thought she would pull through.
Yet she has pulled through each time and I now ask myself for what? So she can do it all again and cause the heartbreak to us. She has taken away so much happiness from me, I try to be a good mum but every knock on the door and a call from a number I don’t know makes my heart drop. Is this it?? Am I ready for it to be over? Or can I save her just one more time. I feel so lost, so angry and so ashamed for the feelings I have. I grieve the mother she once was, the loving beautiful mum. She isn’t there anymore, it’s this person I don’t know.