It took me years to admit to myself that I had a mother suffering from alcoholism
I had never been aware of what was wrong with her. I had had no one to guide me or to tell me that it was not my problem or that she had one.
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I had never been aware of what was wrong with her. I had had no one to guide me or to tell me that it was not my problem or that she had one.
I will never forget my past and what’s happened in my life. I just try and believe my mum and dad are at peace now and in a better place.
To the world outside everything was fine, a normal middle class family.
It was the first time I really knew what was wrong with me. For years I had been drinking just to exist but had always justified it as something I deserved.
I look forward to finding ‘me’; the woman I was meant to be; to being affirmed in my journey. I didn’t know what I was looking for, and had almost given up. Now I know; it’s me!
Coming home from school was terrifying. I knew every floorboard that creaked, every door that squeaked and became expert at moving silently.
“Don’t trust, don’t talk, don’t feel,” these are the rules of a dysfunctional family.
I wanted people to understand, to know what I was going through, but no one understands unless they’ve experienced it themselves and I was too messed up to let people get close.
Why do I SAY ‘Yes’, when I mean to say ‘no’?
I have had the courage to heal the sickness inside me. To rid myself of the shame and blame and guilt that was never mine anyway.
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