I don’t know anymore

Replies
3
Voices
4
Freshness
Followers

0

webster

I have never been part of any support group, but I feel that my mums drinking is having such a detrimental affect on me I need to get some help.

I am 42 and have 10year old twin girls. My dad passed away 7 years ago and since then my mums issue with alcohol has taken on a life of its own.

I have found her so many times unconscious, vomiting blood. So many ambulances, the paramedics started to recognise her. She has been on life support numerous times. I have lost count of the times we never thought she would pull through.

Yet she has pulled through each time and I now ask myself for what? So she can do it all again and cause the heartbreak to us. She has taken away so much happiness from me, I try to be a good mum but every knock on the door and a call from a number I don’t know makes my heart drop. Is this it?? Am I ready for it to be over? Or can I save her just one more time. I feel so lost, so angry and so ashamed for the feelings I have. I grieve the mother she once was, the loving beautiful mum. She isn’t there anymore, it’s this person I don’t know.

  • boop89

    Oh Webster :( I totally relate and sympathise, you are not alone. I'm sorry to hear of such extreme sadness and struggles her alcoholism has caused you.
    We feel obligated as her daughter to keep being there no matter what and to continually fight for them to be better and it's so hard.

  • listener

    Hi Webster,

    Thank you for your post. I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your dad and your mum's subsequent deterioration with alcohol. It sounds like the past 7 years have been so traumatic for you.

    I can only imagine how hard it is to see your mum like that. You're going through the same intense situation repeatedly, so it's only natural that it's taking a toll on you.

    I want to reassure you that all of those feelings are OK, and they're very common - anger, frustration, grief, sadness, fear. You are doing nothing wrong by feeling those things.

    Do you have any support around you? It's really important to shift at least some of the focus back onto yourself and what you need in order to feel better. Do you have any things that are helping you to cope right now?

    I hope you find support through these message boards. The Nacoa helpline is there for you too.

    Take care,
    Listener

  • ashbash

    Hi Webster
    I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling, it sounds really difficult for you.
    All the feelings that you are feeling are normal and this is not your fault.
    It must be so traumatic for you to have seen your Mum in such ill health, I know it definitely has for me. I hope you can find some support groups near you, but in the mean time NACOA is always there to support you whether that is online or through the helpline number.
    Take Care
    Ashbash

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Alcohol Abuse Mother
    Hi all, this is my first time posting here and feel a bit nervous about it. My mother has a really bad drinking problem. She…
  • Saying hello, as a system who grew up with an alcoholic mum
    We've been meaning to post something here for ages, but we decided we'll finally take some time and say hello. So, hey world, we're the…
  • Korsakoffs/alcohol induced dementia
    It's been a heavy day, as my 87-year old dad who has been an alcoholic all his life is now suffering (although undiagnosed) with most…
  • My Mum passed away
    Hi, First time on here so please bear with me. My mum just passed away on the 24th September and I'm so devastated. My mum…
  • Alcoholic Mother
    Hi, sorry for the long message ahead. For context I live in a multi-generational household, where my parents basically act like they are divorced but…

Recent replies

  • Hi checkeredthistle, Thank you for taking the time to share. This sounds really tough, and I just want to remind you that you’re not alone.…
    marble on Alcohol Abuse Mother
  • Hi Riders and Racer’s system, Welcome to the message boards! I’m so glad you’ve posted and I do hope that you can all find some…
    listener on Saying hello, as a system who grew up with an alcoholic mum
  • Hi checkeredthistle, It's so positive that you are reaching out on these message boards. It's understandable that it is nerve-racking, as you are sharing something…
    listener on Alcohol Abuse Mother
  • Hi I hope that some of the suggestions in the previous reply were helpful. It is so important that you look after yourself so that…
    papaya29 on Alcoholic Mother
  • Hi I'm so sad to read your story. The sudden death of your mum must be such a shock. Plus the grief at the situation…
    firkin on My Mum passed away

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.