Hi stephie2905,

In many ways, it must have been incredibly difficult to have made that decision and even if it felt that it was the best thing to do for yourself, it is understandable if it gave way to different emotions.

There can be different ways to begin fully accepting the emotions and moving forward. Sometimes it is about allowing yourself the time and space to feel what emotions feel particularly strong that day. In a way you are experiencing a different type of grief, as you mention, and sometimes that means it may take some time to adjust and that is okay.
Would a thought journal be helpful? Often the process of writing down can be therapeutic but also helps to make better sense of what you are feeling.

In moving forwards and coming to terms with the decision you made, it might be helpful to remind yourself of the positive changes that came from it - you mention relief for example, and this must have been such a powerful shift for you. Reminding yourself of that sense of relief bit by bit you may slowly find it easier to have these emotions.

Perhaps reminding yourself that you matter and that you prioritised your wellbeing, which is not always easy to do, and so that can be something you can be proud of yourself for doing.

I hope that these words can be of some reassurrance. You can get there in getting past these feelings.
If you would like to speak to one of our helpling listeners about this, our number is 0800 358 3456 and email helpline@nacoa.org.uk. Our helplines are open Monday to Saturday 10am to 7pm.

Take good care,

Listener