Grieving and guilt




My Mother passed away and I find I can’t grieve. I feel guilty for not feeling worse about her death. I suppose I grieve the idea of her, but her passing isn’t a loss to me, it’s a relief, but the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. How can I move past this feeling?

  • here and listening

    Guilt is such a difficult feeling isn’t it? It takes time to process all your feelings after the death of a parent, particularly if things haven’t always been easy, I felt the same after my Dad passed away for a long time. Take your time, your feelings are yours and it’s ok to have them.

  • jdavies19

    I understand how you feel. It's strange to lose a parent and I found it was really bittersweet for me because of their alcoholism. It was sad because I'd lost them but a relief almost, that I no longer had to suffer because of it and that often makes me feel guilty even though it is completely okay to feel that way.

  • sam25

    My mum passed away New Year’s Day I’m finding it really hard to understand my emotions. my mum drank all through my teenage years and was unpredictable although I would say whilst she was still working she was a functioning alcoholic. Over the years I learnt when to leave the house and when to avoid phone calls in the evening, I feel bad that I could never get through to her and probably only told her I loved her on her death bed. I worry that I was too harsh on her, whenever I tried to talk about it she would become verbally defensive. There is a part of me that is relieved as I felt so sorry for the way my mum treated my dad in the last year or so it was like he was her servant she didn’t do anything for herself and he could do no right. I’m also missing the mum when she was having good days, Christmas shopping expositions, theatre and spa, the mum that when I was little made a big effort over Christmas and holidays and wished she was like that all the time I was growing up, I’m just a bit angry with it all and I don’t know how to deal with it.

  • gempeps

    Hi Sam, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum recently passing away and that you are struggling with it. The loss of a parent is difficult in ‘normal circumstances’ but i feel even more so under addiction circumstances because of the range of emotions. I went through the same thing 4 years ago and felt the exact same way, I was devastated one minute and then extremely angry the next. It’s such a confusing time because your grieving your mum but you are still angry like you say about the years you lost when your mum became alcohol dependant. I know people say time is a healer and it’s sounds like a cliche but it does get easier. I found talking about it is was most definitely the best thing that helped me deal with it especially with people who had had the same experience as I had. Please just know that you are not alone and there are others here for you to talk anytime.

Leave a Reply

Recent topics

  • Reflection of my youth
    You may have influenced me to believe I'm inherently wrong. There's a whole lot of shame being carried that never belonged to me. You took…
  • At my wits end
    My mum is in her early 60s and has been an alcoholic for over 20 years. She has been to rehab twice and started drinking…
  • Unsure what to do next
    Hi. Read a few messages and it is reassuring to hear people with similar feelings but it still doesn't feel good. My dad is going…
  • My dad died of alcoholism
    Hey there, My dad died mid-2023 as a result of alcohol poisoning. He was in his late 50s and had struggled with parts of himself…
  • Alcoholic dad
    I have a father who has been drinking alcohol ever since I can remeber. He is in his 50’s and it’s getting worse and worse…

Recent replies

  • If you're feeling lost about how to help her, seeking guidance from professionals or looking into detox center near me might offer some support and…
    wisether on At my wits end
  • Hi, I'm glad you have found some space to speak here. How did it feel to write some of this out and share it? Those…
    listener on At my wits end
  • Hi, Thank you for sharing these reflections. They’re important and I’m sure that they will touch others that come across your post. You are right,…
    listener on Reflection of my youth
  • Hey! I have an alcoholic mother, for as long as I can remember, she has drank been abusive and neglected us I’m an adult now,…
    pa on Unsure what to do next
  • Hey! You are not alone with this, My mother is an alcoholic for as long as I can remember too, she is very unwell now…
    pa on At my wits end

Keep in touch

To find out more about our events and activities, subscribe to our mailing list

We use Mailchimp as our marketing platform. By subscribing, you acknowledge that your information will be transferred to Mailchimp for processing. Learn more about Mailchimp’s privacy practices.