Grieving and guilt

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dockers

My Mother passed away and I find I can’t grieve. I feel guilty for not feeling worse about her death. I suppose I grieve the idea of her, but her passing isn’t a loss to me, it’s a relief, but the guilt is sometimes overwhelming. How can I move past this feeling?

  • here and listening

    Guilt is such a difficult feeling isn’t it? It takes time to process all your feelings after the death of a parent, particularly if things haven’t always been easy, I felt the same after my Dad passed away for a long time. Take your time, your feelings are yours and it’s ok to have them.

  • jdavies19

    I understand how you feel. It's strange to lose a parent and I found it was really bittersweet for me because of their alcoholism. It was sad because I'd lost them but a relief almost, that I no longer had to suffer because of it and that often makes me feel guilty even though it is completely okay to feel that way.

  • sam25

    My mum passed away New Year’s Day I’m finding it really hard to understand my emotions. my mum drank all through my teenage years and was unpredictable although I would say whilst she was still working she was a functioning alcoholic. Over the years I learnt when to leave the house and when to avoid phone calls in the evening, I feel bad that I could never get through to her and probably only told her I loved her on her death bed. I worry that I was too harsh on her, whenever I tried to talk about it she would become verbally defensive. There is a part of me that is relieved as I felt so sorry for the way my mum treated my dad in the last year or so it was like he was her servant she didn’t do anything for herself and he could do no right. I’m also missing the mum when she was having good days, Christmas shopping expositions, theatre and spa, the mum that when I was little made a big effort over Christmas and holidays and wished she was like that all the time I was growing up, I’m just a bit angry with it all and I don’t know how to deal with it.

  • gempeps

    Hi Sam, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum recently passing away and that you are struggling with it. The loss of a parent is difficult in ‘normal circumstances’ but i feel even more so under addiction circumstances because of the range of emotions. I went through the same thing 4 years ago and felt the exact same way, I was devastated one minute and then extremely angry the next. It’s such a confusing time because your grieving your mum but you are still angry like you say about the years you lost when your mum became alcohol dependant. I know people say time is a healer and it’s sounds like a cliche but it does get easier. I found talking about it is was most definitely the best thing that helped me deal with it especially with people who had had the same experience as I had. Please just know that you are not alone and there are others here for you to talk anytime.

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