One year ago this week, my hero died peacefully in his hospice bed
I went into “protection mode” – to protect myself from any further hurt or pain.
I went into “protection mode” – to protect myself from any further hurt or pain.
Death of a parent
Rest easy my hero
I learnt not to talk, not to trust and not to feel.
I learnt not to talk, not to trust and not to feel.
I never knew when I came home from school whether she would be sober, drunk or dead.
I loved my mum so much, but I was frustrated as I couldn’t understand why, if she loved me, she wouldn’t just stop drinking.
I loved my mum so much, but I was frustrated as I couldn’t understand why, if she loved me, she wouldn’t just stop drinking.
Trying to usher my friends out as quickly as possible as they giggled at my drunken parents
The pain at hearing my dad had died was immeasurable, my world stopped but the world continued to turn.
The pain at hearing my dad had died was immeasurable, my world stopped but the world continued to turn.
Forgiveness
All I feel now is sadness at what my dad went through, I truly believe no one chooses to become an alcoholic, it can just happen.
All I feel now is sadness at what my dad went through, I truly believe no one chooses to become an alcoholic, it can just happen.
I remember enough
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
If it helps just one person, that is a massive win
He was heavily reliant on me and used to call me all the time to drive him places, take him to the shops etc.
He was heavily reliant on me and used to call me all the time to drive him places, take him to the shops etc.
I have learned to cope. But I do feel robbed of having my mum and wish that she was here.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
When I said Mum drank they emphatically said ‘No no no she doesn’t’.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
‘If he loved you enough he’d stop’
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
