I remember enough
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
Death of a parent
If it helps just one person, that is a massive win
He was heavily reliant on me and used to call me all the time to drive him places, take him to the shops etc.
He was heavily reliant on me and used to call me all the time to drive him places, take him to the shops etc.
I have learned to cope. But I do feel robbed of having my mum and wish that she was here.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
When I said Mum drank they emphatically said ‘No no no she doesn’t’.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
‘If he loved you enough he’d stop’
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
There was no safety net then, not for her or us
When I look back I seem to have spent a lot of my childhood cleaning, the only way I could make myself calm in the chaos.
When I look back I seem to have spent a lot of my childhood cleaning, the only way I could make myself calm in the chaos.
I am old enough to understand this isn’t my fault. It doesn’t stop me getting angry
I can’t do anything for my mother – she doesn’t want me, she wants brandy.
I can’t do anything for my mother – she doesn’t want me, she wants brandy.
Never feel guilty for your parent’s drinking. It isn’t your fault
I never knew how I would feel the day I lost her as our relationship was turbulent.
I never knew how I would feel the day I lost her as our relationship was turbulent.
I became obsessed about being ‘normal’ and I craved things that seemed normal
I kind of treated her illness as my illness, as though we were both alcoholics.
I kind of treated her illness as my illness, as though we were both alcoholics.
I vowed I would never inflict this kind of torture on a child myself
I am still haunted by those childhood memories of my father’s drinking.
I am still haunted by those childhood memories of my father’s drinking.
