One year ago this week, my hero died peacefully in his hospice bed
I went into “protection mode” – to protect myself from any further hurt or pain.
I went into “protection mode” – to protect myself from any further hurt or pain.
Feeling guilt, shame or embarrassment
Rest easy my hero
I learnt not to talk, not to trust and not to feel.
I learnt not to talk, not to trust and not to feel.
Trying to usher my friends out as quickly as possible as they giggled at my drunken parents
The pain at hearing my dad had died was immeasurable, my world stopped but the world continued to turn.
The pain at hearing my dad had died was immeasurable, my world stopped but the world continued to turn.
I had a happy childhood until I first realised my dad was an alcoholic around the age of 12
I have accepted that this is the way it is and I have to make the most of the family relationships that I do have.
I have accepted that this is the way it is and I have to make the most of the family relationships that I do have.
I remember enough
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
I have had to and continue to learn how to find new ways of being.
I have learned to cope. But I do feel robbed of having my mum and wish that she was here.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
To the outside world my family appeared perfect.
When I said Mum drank they emphatically said ‘No no no she doesn’t’.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
You’d walk home wondering what mess she was in, and what you would have to do to keep the peace.
‘If he loved you enough he’d stop’
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
The most surprising thing to me is just how many people think and feel exactly as I do and how it is all so closely linked to being a COA.
“Nanny drinks her special juice out of a cup”
She kicked off at my friends and had to be physically restrained.
She kicked off at my friends and had to be physically restrained.
I didn’t tell anyone about the bottle, just kept it to myself as with everything else
Of course I didn’t tell anyone about the bottle, just kept it to myself as with everything else.
Of course I didn’t tell anyone about the bottle, just kept it to myself as with everything else.
