Her Feet

A poem about loving a parent affected by drinking while carrying the burden of care.

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A poem about loving a parent affected by drinking while carrying the burden of care.

Her Feet

I stare at the hard, calloused skin on her feet

And I hate them –

they repel me.

I screw my nose up

as I tuck them back under the cover,

and move to her chest.

She’s breathing

and so deep in sleep,

almost comatosed.

She does not know I am there

or that I searched the cupboards and under the bed

for the bottles.

She thinks I don’t know.

The glass sits on the bedside table

with left over aspirin

crawling up the sides.

Has she tried again?

Or was it to prevent the inevitable headache that’s coming?

It’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon

and it may be another night of fend for ourselves.

I’ll make the boys tea.

My heart keeps racing.

I check she’s breathing.

What would I do if she wasn’t?

I’d be terrifyingly calm like last time,

and the times before.

I’d make the call,

make the coffee

and try to keep her conscious.

I lean forward and whisper her name,

“Mum, mum are you alright?”

No reply.

“Mum?”

A groan,

she turns over

and goes where no one knows.

But I know where she isn’t.

Not with me,

ever.

I’m useful I know

and I can take care of myself

and her.

I don’t remember much else.

Can you worship someone then

hate them sometimes at the same time?

Have a desperate need for their approval

yet want to be nothing like them?

She moves and her foot falls out

from the covers again.

Her hard, calloused ‘sole’ looks at me.

Maxine

To read more experience stories, please go to Support & Advice.

Image by dannyg on Unsplash.

You are not alone

Remember the Six "C"s

I didn’t cause it
I can’t control it
I can’t cure it
I can take care of myself
I can communicate my feelings
I can make healthy choices

Experiences

Resources you may like

In the Blood

By Arabella Byrne and Julia Hamilton

Long Going

By Sophie Calon

Dear… A book of letters from the forgotten families of addiction

By Various authors

Parental Substance Use: Supporting School Aged Children

By Hannah Todman and Sarah Galvani (A BASW Practice Guide)

Twinkle, Twinkle Arti

By Danielle Slade

The 1 in 5 Documentary: A film about the forgotten children of alcoholics

By John Taylor

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