Losing someone long before they are gone
Growing up, I was very close to my auntie. I’m 32 now, and when I look back on my childhood and our family, I realise how much her drinking affected all of us.
We lost my auntie a few years ago, when my cousin was just 15. But sometimes, when I think about it, I feel like we lost her long before that.
It’s a bit like when people talk about Alzheimer’s and how they can feel they’ve lost someone before they actually pass away. In some ways, that’s how it felt with my auntie.
Relationships became strained
Her drinking caused big rifts in our family. We’re a small family, so when relationships became strained, it had a huge impact. At one point, my cousin and I barely saw each other, which is difficult to look back on now.
Thankfully, he’s 18 now and we have such a close relationship. I’m really grateful for that, but it also makes me think about the time we lost when things were difficult.
It wasn’t just about my relationship with my auntie, either. It was heartbreaking seeing what my Nan and Grandad went through as her parents, and seeing the impact on my Mum, who was watching her own sister struggle.
When someone is dealing with drinking, it doesn’t just affect that one person. It can affect an entire family, and everyone experiences that pain differently.
Family means so much to me
My wife, Sarah, also lost her mum, Mandy, when she was in her teens. I know that going through everything with my auntie was particularly difficult for Sarah, because in some ways it felt like she was reliving parts of what she had already experienced with her own mum.
We now have a four-month-old daughter, Olive Mandy Hutchinson. Her middle name is in memory of Sarah’s mum, which makes it particularly special to us.
Family means so much to me, and I think experiences like these make you appreciate the people around you even more.
The importance of talking
One thing I’ve learnt is the importance of talking. For a long time, I think I saw it as something that was happening to our family. My auntie drank, and that was our situation. It wasn’t something I necessarily connected to other people’s lives.
But when I started opening up to friends and talking about what had happened, I realised just how widespread these experiences are. Other people had their own stories, and I began to understand that we weren’t alone.
There were so many other families dealing with similar situations, even if they weren’t always talking about them openly.
That really stayed with me. You never quite know what someone else or their family might be going through, and sometimes simply being able to talk to someone who understands can make a difference.
That’s why supporting Nacoa means so much to me and my family. Their work supporting people affected by a parent’s drinking is important, because children and young people can be affected in ways that stay with them for years.
Although my own experience was with my auntie, I understand how drinking can have a lasting impact on the people around someone, particularly younger family members.
Attempting a world record in aid of Nacoa
The idea for my Rubik’s Cube half-marathon world record attempt actually came about in a fairly random way. A friend and I were watching the London Marathon and seeing people attempting all sorts of world records. He turned to me and said that I was fairly quick at running, so could I set one myself?
We started looking through the records, the costumes people wore and the times we would need to beat. The rotating puzzle cube record seemed achievable, so we thought, why not give it a go?
I knew I could run faster than the required time, but doing it dressed as a giant Rubik’s Cube was a completely different challenge!
Of course, breaking the record would be amazing. But ultimately, it’s about raising money and awareness for something that is close to our family.
If I can take on a ridiculous running challenge, have some fun with it and use that to support a charity doing such important work, then it feels worthwhile.
And if the record doesn’t go to plan, I’ve already got the costume. Who knows, I might just have to do it all again!
Most importantly, I hope sharing a little of our experience helps someone else realise that they’re not alone. These situations can be difficult to talk about, but they affect more families than we sometimes realise.
If opening up about ours helps even one person feel understood, then that makes it all worthwhile.
Luke
A huge thank you to Luke for running in aid of Nacoa. You can find out more about his challenge and donate on JustGiving.
To read more experience stories, please go to Support & Advice.
